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Why do people think you're ungreatful with the child you have when you say you want another baby?

I am so blessed with the child I have. She is the most precious, sweet, caring, loving, smart and brave little girl. She brings so much joy to our lives! I don't think we could have done any better with her.

But I would still like to have another baby. I have had two miscarriages in the last year and everytime I mention the loss everyone says..."Well just be thankful you have your daughter." Of course I'm thankful but does that mean I can't grieve for the loss of my two babies or want another one? It makes me feel like shit when people say that because then I feel like I'm not greatful enough to have one baby. Is it selfish to want another one?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:41 PM on Aug. 25, 2009 in Pregnancy

Answers (9)
  • No, its not selfish. People really just don't know what to say to those who have lost a baby and many times they say something dumb, but they really don't mean too...
    gramsmom

    Answer by gramsmom at 12:43 PM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • No it's not selfish to want another one, but for people who can't even have 1 child, then to them it may seem selfish, but it isn't. You are grieving the children you lost, they are grieving the children they never had. It's just different perspective
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 12:44 PM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • sorry for your lost. i just had a miscarriage a few months ago and it was triplets so i know how you feel. but i dont think it is selfish. you want another baby, its a mother instinct if you ask me. I want to be pregnant again too and i have people telling i shouldnt just yet that i am still greiving. but that isn't stopping me. i will always remember those babies i carried them for 2 months and it was my first pregnancy so i will never forget them. and i will see them in heaven soon. but if you want a baby keep trying. you know whats best for you and your family.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:50 PM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • I'm sorry for your loss anon 9:50. It's hard to not want another one.
    Imogine

    Answer by Imogine at 12:54 PM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • Telling you to be thankful and accusing you of being ungrateful are two entirely different things. You may be hearing something they are not really saying. But if that is what they meant, people were created to pro-create. It's normal to want a family. Your choice of how many that will be is up to you and no one else's opinion should matter. They had their chance. Now it's your's.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:56 PM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • Oh theyre just trying to start crap with you. Each child is an individual and you love and grieve over each one differently. Its not like having a litter of puppies and they all look the same and you sell them each for the same price. Children are so very unique and I can totally see why you would want more than 1. Its not like a possession. Its like someone telling you that you should be grateful for the car you have to drive instead of wanting two cars. Ridiculous. I think all kids should have a sibling if possible. You will always love those two babies as individuals and I pray that you have the baby that you desire. I have 4 babies (well, theyre not babies anymore...LOL) but with each one, I loved them differently. I still do. Just ignore people who obviously dont understand and if you, for some reason are only blessed with one, then love her as an individual. good luck.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 12:56 PM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • Thank you for your kind words and thoughts everyone. =) I feel better.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:14 PM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • I have had two beautiful children, a boy and a girl and we decided to have one more. I miscarried two in a row and still I just do not feel our family is complete without one more baby. People have said to me "Well you have two children, so I wouldn't worry about having any more." WHAT!!?? We are now due in Feb 2010 and we are excited! I don't know why people think that having a baby is a group/family decision but they always seem to have something to say about it. I just ignored them and we are doing what we feel is right for us. We will never forget the children we lost, but we are grateful each and every day for the ones we got to hold! Good luck to you!
    khedy

    Answer by khedy at 1:17 PM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • its your decision if you want to have another baby or not. i am sorry for the two miscarriages you have had. i can't imagine the pain of that. i don't think that by having another baby you are not grateful of the one you already have. i don't think you should be judged by anyone for wanting to have more than one child. i think that all that matters is if you will be able to love this baby and it sounds like this baby will receive plenty of love.
    jennalms

    Answer by jennalms at 1:37 PM on Aug. 25, 2009

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