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Contolling parents

How do you deal with someone who wants to control your every thing you do? I have so many problems now, because my mom wants to constantly control everything, I can't tell the truth because I get in more trouble, I lie, get in more trouble, I can't be honest, I am not doing drugs, ever, I drink a lot more then I should just to deal with her. I tell her my problems are because of the constant battle of control she tries to have over my lifem I'm 20 years old, finally getting my own placem and she is telling me I'll never get my own place because I dont have the best credit, yet she is kicking me out to live in my car, she says she loves me, but that she wants to put me away. I don't have a dad, or siblings, I just don't know how to handle the constant fighting, I don't even argue anymore because she feeds off it, how can I change this situation?

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:30 PM on Aug. 25, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (5)
  • Don't argue. Tell her she is right, and go on about your business. You said you are getting your own place...just stick it out until then. If she tries to fight with you in your own home, do what I did: Tell her that you are an adult, and this is your home, and if she can not treat you like and adult in your home, then she needs to leave until she can talk to you like a person.

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 1:34 PM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • Well she is kicking me out, and i have no where to go, its because i got off her cell phone plan and got my own.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:37 PM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • I almost feel like I could have written this. Im 32 yrs old and my mother STILL tells me what to do. Not as much but little things like...stop biting your nails, spit out your gum, ect.... I cant stand to go anywhere with her because she wants to control the atmosphere. At some point, the boundary lines will have to be drawn. If you plan on having her treat you like an adult, you have to act like one. Im not saying you dont, Im just saying that you can run to her when things dont go well. It sounds like shes really afraid of not having you around so she manipulates you. She doesnt realize that her behavior is causing you to resent her. I think once youve gotten out on your own, it will be easier to put some distance in your life with her. Just see her occasionally and call occasionally. You dont have to be around people like that.

    Answer by momofsaee at 1:41 PM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • It's hard being the only child, and she is in fear of you leaving, and having your own life. Just make good choices, work and make it on your own.

    Answer by MommaRox4683 at 2:02 PM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • good grief no wonder you drink. First off you have to stop listening to the poison she feeds you verbally. You can do anything you put your mind to. Just like any emotional abuser, control freak she uses words to manipulate you and to keep your self esteem depleted. Only you can allow her to do that. Never take her words personally. I'm sure she heard them from someone when she was young and is passing them on to you. Break the cycle of abuse and don't accept her hurtful words. Get on a list for housing or move in with a friend or whatever it takes to get to a healthy environment. I'd even call a domestic violence shelter and ask them what is available for you. DV isn't always about a spouse abusing you. The damage this woman can do to you can be devastating but I am glad you see you need to get out. You can do this and you will find that life can be good. How about school? get a school loan and live in a dorm.

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:39 PM on Aug. 25, 2009

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