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Are spending weekends with her father really good for her?

I'm going through a divorce right now, though I'm only almost 22, I have a 16 month old daughter and have been told by some people that its very straining on her to have her all week and then let her go for weekends with her father. I want her father to be in her life, its only right, but I dont think he gives her nutritious foods, I don't like the people he has her around, but what can I do? He's living with his alcoholic father, but there are another 3 people besides him and his father in the house and they take great care of my daughter it seems. However my soon to be exs girlfriend keeps trying to claim my daughter as her biological daughter and anytime she sees her she calls herself mommy which of course really makes me mad.Anyway, I am stuck between letting her father have her on weekends and possibly doing supervised visits. Its not even every weekend, but what do you all think I should do?

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stargazerwolf

Asked by stargazerwolf at 4:08 PM on Aug. 25, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 9 (370 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Go to court and decide on custody. He has as many rights as you. I think it's great for her to spend the weekends at her daddy's.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:14 PM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • i STRONGLY disagree with first poster...try your best to avoid court!! i went thru court and it frickin sucks!! especially if you get a judge thats an ass, like mine was!! judges dont care about the past, they care about is the father spending time with the child. and when its done thru court you have to abide by like every single rule thats set out in your court order. it just sucks!! its a hassle!! if i could go back in time i woulda just left my ex alone, and he wouldnt be in the picture today!! yes kids need their fathers...but, only if the dad wants to be in the kids life!! ya cant force a father to be a dad!! if he wants to see your child, let him, maybe at first just stick with visitation..your daughter is still very young at 16 months, so she might not even feel comfortable being with him alone for long periods of time. talk to him, try and work something out between you..it might be hard, but its better than court
    alexis_06

    Answer by alexis_06 at 4:28 PM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • I think it's noble you want to include her father in her life. However, there are 2 things here that make me uncomfortable...1) the presence of an alcoholic, and 2) a woman who clearly isn't the child's mother calling herself that. I got rid of a babysitter who treated my daughter as if she were mothering her. That has to be confusing for a child under the age of 2 wondering who to call "mommy". I've never been through divorce court, but as there are factors that might be unhealthy here, I might go this route as the first poster suggested. Good luck...
    mimismom436

    Answer by mimismom436 at 4:41 PM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • Why don't you just talk to the father? Let him know your concerns.
    Whatever you do, don't just take the father out of your daughter's life without talking with him first. It's only fair to him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:51 PM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • what do you mean claim your daughter as her Bio daughter? Just because of the mommy thing? Your daughter may have come up with that on her own. if your daughter calls her mommy and it bothers you, talk to your ex and the girlfriend. But don't automatically blame the girlfriend if your daughter prefers to call her mommy too. Kids don't understand the difference. My niece by marriage is six and I've told her since she was born that I'm not a mommy but a aunt, and she still tells me that her bio mom is mommy and I am mom. But she feels like she has to sneak around to hug me and have fun with me because her mommy gets upset.
    Just do your best to make sure he is safe and ask the ex and girlfriend to work on your daughter knowing her name- she'll decide what she wants to call her anyway.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:42 PM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • Ok the psycho girlfriend that is trying to claim your baby is hers??? I'd go to court just to keep her away from my child.
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 6:28 PM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • I would be very concerned about the new girlfriend issue, and the things going on in the house where dad lives, but what kind of dad was he before you split? Did he take care of your daughter? Did he ensure she was safe, fed, clothed, bathed, you know, all the things that are needed for proper care? If you are unsure about anything, supervised visits arent unreasonable. On the other side of it, as long as dad is taking care of her properly, it is perfectly healthy and normal and needed for her to have a relationship with dad, even at her age. If you wait til she is older she will not be able to have a relationship with him because she is going to be uncertain of who he is after being with you for say, the next 2 or 3 yrs.
    SuperMomof3kids

    Answer by SuperMomof3kids at 7:41 PM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • I agree with alexis 06, custody court sucks! and the judge or (if your real unlucky) the court commissioner,yah, court commissioners are not judges but have just as much power as a judge,the judge will be a total ass and you'll be worse off than you allready are.and if you live in INDIANA,really watch out,cause mothers have NO rights in Indiana anymore.
    missvendetta

    Answer by missvendetta at 1:49 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • My daughter doesnt call her mommy from what I'm told, his girlfriend calls herself mommy, like says "come to mommy" and actually tells other people that she is her bio daughter. I'm told this by someone else. I told him to keep our daughter away from her (see he practically left me for this woman and she used to be my friend, he doesnt even have a real relationship with her she is dating like 5 guys). She enjoys being with her father, but when me and him were together he never did anything but played with her, he never fed, changed, bathed or did anything like that, I had to cause i was a SAHM and housewife. He is supposed to be paying child support but he isn't cause he says he doesnt make enough or whatever, but i'm told that he does. I've tried to talk to him but it does no good and he is a liar anyway. His biological mother isn't supposed be around children (on the central registry) but im pretty sure he has her around her
    stargazerwolf

    Answer by stargazerwolf at 1:52 AM on Aug. 28, 2009

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