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birthday invites at school

My daughter is in 2nd grade. She names off a few kids she wanted to invite to her party. She has a total of 12 she oculd invite but only gave me 7 names off hand. I let her take those 7 to school the next day and pass them out after school. One of the girls she happened to have invited was riding home with another boy she didn't mention. I felt horrible and I can just imagine his feeling were hurt. I let him know I would make sure he got an invitation and left it at that. I was embarassed and ashamed of how rude I felt. His mom was there too. I did make him out an invitation and my daughter said she has plnned to invite him but could not remember all the names at the time. I apologized on the invite about being rude and that I hoped they would accept the invite to the party. Did I do the right thing? Is there somthing else I should do?

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deputywife

Asked by deputywife at 4:44 PM on Aug. 25, 2009 in

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Answers (9)
  • You did the right thing. This is a sticky place always. In the future, mail them. It's the safest way to avoid kids being left out.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 4:47 PM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • mail them next time....they don't allow invitations to be sent like that at my nephew's school
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:04 PM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • When i sent invites for my sons b-day I sent one for everyone in the whole class. I guess you did the right thing but i dont think an apology is necessary if the kid got one a day later. Maybe next time just wait till you have all the names before sending the invites.
    SaturnsMom

    Answer by SaturnsMom at 5:37 PM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • Our elementary school made it a sticky situation. We could not send paper invitation unless every child in the class received one. On the other hand, they would not provide any parents' contact info, so I had no way to reach the parents unless I *happened* to run into them.

    I think you did the right thing to apologize, but for the future, I'd see about asking the teacher if it's okay to set up a parent's email contact list. That way, you can email the parents privately and none of the kids feel left out when they don't get an invitation at school.
    geminilove

    Answer by geminilove at 8:01 PM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • This type of situation is why our school will not allow invitationss to be passed out at school. Too many hurt feelings can come about. We have to mail our, or hand deliver them the the kid's homes. Your PTA should have a class directory with all the kids names and addressed listed, use this and mail them the next time.

    You saved the situation, good job mom!
    emnasmom

    Answer by emnasmom at 9:10 PM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • If you aren't inviting the entire class, then don't send the invites to school. That has been a policy in a lot of schools for years. That is a good way to hurt kids feelings and make them feel left out. Think of how your daughter would feel if a bunch of other kids got invited to a bday party and she didn't and the other kids all talked about the party afterwards.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:52 PM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • Yep, this is school policy. You either mail the invites, or you send one to the entire class. Its very hurtful and rude to invite 5 girls and leave the other 4 out or vice versa. If she didnt want to invite her entire class, then the invites should have never been at school. If its a just girl party, then you invite all the girls. I know its hard to do, but think back to your elementary school days....have you ever been the girl that didnt get invited? The only girl in the class that wasnt invited? I have and it does hurt. Sometimes parties for 25 kids is just too much and I get that, but thats when you could make a private phone call or mail. Our school simply wont allow b day invites UNLESS everyone is invited. I think its just common courtesy. I think you handled it well, but from now on you will know what to do better. Good job!
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 10:16 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • Hey girl, you fixed the situation. Just for future reference, whe my son had parties during the school year I always sent invites to all of the kids because I only had about 6 or 7 show up anyway so nobody felt left out and if the parents didn't bring their kids it was their fault. If the kids bragged afterward then the parents would be to blame not you or your daughter. That mom should have been understanding that your daughter only wanted girls at her party since they are still young and boys are yucky(lol).
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:13 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • When I invited children in my daughter's class, what I did was ask her teacher the policy. She said to provide them to her and she would put in the backpack so no children would know. I found this the best way. My feeling is you can't invite all your child's classmates. My daughter's friends have been invited to parties she hasn't and they understand. Don't let not inviting one child, make you feel embarassed or ashamed. You could have explained that you have a list of the amount of children to invite and your daughter had to stick to it. The child's mom should understand the circumstances. What you can always do, is if one child cannot attend the party then invite this boy. I know that's what we did 2 children couldn't attend so we add 2 additional children. Plus your child will be having a class party right, so the boy is invited this way.
    happynewyorker

    Answer by happynewyorker at 4:01 PM on Aug. 27, 2009

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