Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

life over after kids? spin off..

so i heard some moms say that going out one night a week on fridays out with your hubby/friends while the WILLING grandma's take the kids is wrong and that you life is over when you have kids, i mean i love my DD to death but love them friday nights to regroup! yes we have gone to bars other nights we passed out at 9pm lol but to say a person is a bad mother and their life has to be solely their kids.. i get that but come on dont we as mothers deserve a night a week to unwind with your husband or friends.. im not talking 3-4 nights a week.. one night from like8pm drop off till 10-11am next day.. did we forget to take care of ourselves 2? yes our kids needs do come first id die for my DD but we do still have needs ourself and for me one night a week is just that.. now dont get me wrong im there bright and early getting her the next morning! but to say we are bad mothers for doing that or that life is over now with kids..?????

Answer Question
 
peytonJJ27

Asked by peytonJJ27 at 10:36 PM on Aug. 25, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Your life isnt over now that you have kids but I dont understand needing one day a week. Maybe 2 times a month. I havent been out in over a year I am sure but I havent shriveled up and turned to dust. I am a SAHM I am 28 and I have 3 kids. Do I ever need a break sure. Do I get a break not really. I cant remember my parents going out but one time when we (my 5 sisters and I) were little. You just have to realize that you are a parent now and that you are no longer free and single.
    treynlisa

    Answer by treynlisa at 10:51 PM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • oh i know im a parent trust me im with my DD alot and love it! and love my husband but fridays the grandma's want their grandbaby lol call it grandma's day, so she goes there and we do our thing usually dinner and going to the mall bumming anything really rarely drinking, and then sat morning pick her back up, heck my mil can't wait till its her friday to watch my DD lol im a f/t working mother of 1 im 27 , i mean growing up my mom had yoga class 2 nights a week and i was busy with dance and went out 2-3 times a month w/o me and i stayed with grandma but im a hardworking person that loves my dd to death and am a darn good mom to her.. i just cant believe those that take one night a week that they are bad parents and when the grandparents want them!
    peytonJJ27

    Answer by peytonJJ27 at 10:59 PM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • As long as your kids are taken care of and the parents are not out doing drugs or getting arrested... I see nothing wrong with a break once a week. If I could have that, I would take it! By all means, I love my son, I love being a mom, but I need a night to remember who I am! Not that it has to include drinking, nor would I be a miserable mom if I didn't get my break once a week... it sure is nice. The kids usually enjoy spending time with grandparents or a close relative as well. I think it's good for them to have a bit of a change in their rountine. My mom was a sahm, but I spent weekends with my grandma. Usually it was because I wanted to. I'm sure she enjoyed the break as well.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:04 PM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • I have been out without my kids 3 times this year. Valentines Day, once in July, and last Friday. Do I get a break from my kids? Yes. Sometimes. I go shopping on Fridays. sometimes with 1, 2, or all 3 kids. Sometimes by myself. But DH & I have only had 3 dates this year. My life is not over since I had kids, just different. Not like I was a party animal before! When you have kids, your priorities change. Or they should.
    Leslie2164

    Answer by Leslie2164 at 11:08 PM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • I agree with what Peyton said. If grandma want to keep the kids, great. But if grandma is complaining, I would either find another sitter or not go out as often.
    Leslie2164

    Answer by Leslie2164 at 11:14 PM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • If you have a willing family member then absolutely, go. You are by no means a bad parent. What I've learned w/o family nearby is that I'm on the clock 24/7, including after a couple of cocktails. I am more careful now in case of an emergency. Also, no fun being hungover and caring for kids as it cheats everyone and the guilt is awful. Last, the cost of sitters here is 12 and more an hour so it gets expensive fast. We go out twice a month.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 11:30 PM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • Last, the cost of sitters here is 12 and more an hour so it gets expensive fast.
    Where in the heck do you live where you would have to pay a teen that much to watch your lo for a couple hours? I've got 3 kids and on the occation where aunt and uncle aren't available I pay either 20-25 a nite. I could understand paying minimum wage but more than that's is just insane!
    2murphyboys

    Answer by 2murphyboys at 12:05 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • I agree that if your kids are taken care of & the grandma willingly takes them, no its not wrong. My whole life is my kids but I need something for myself too. Just myself - that makes me feel better & good. And if i'm in a good & better mood, chances are everyone else will be.
    It's OKAY not to be Alpha Mom and its okay if you want to unwind. It's also okay if you don't spend all the time in the world with them. I'm going to college because I want my daughters to grow up to be independent, free-thinking women & they live by my example. I want to show them that there is more to life than mommyhood - because there is. I love my girls more than anything in this whole world & I want them to experience the whole world. So I have to be an example - which is why I'm going to college. That's going to be my "unwinding"... But I like school. :D I probably just tabooed all over the place...
    Blubuni99

    Answer by Blubuni99 at 12:41 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN