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I need some advice, real advice but I am asking only one thing...

I really need some advice, but my question includes some controversial matters...please please please don't be rude or nasty about it, no matter how you feel about these topics. I'm having a very hard time right now and while you may think it's my fault I'm in this situation and you may not agree with some of the things going on...please keep it as nice as possible.

Okay, I'm 18 and I'm 35 weeks pregnant. I've been with my fiance for 3 years, known him for 5. I know I'm young but I care for him very much and I love him...I know I'm too young to know if I'm "in love" but I really do care for him deeply. I'm also in my last year of high school.

My situation is that my boyfriend has a little trouble with his legal status in the US right now. Before you pass judgment, let me explain. He came here 6 years ago on a visa that was good for 4 years. A year before he and his family came his uncle petitioned for his family.....cont..

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:20 AM on Aug. 26, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • So they came here with a petition filed, and a visa for 4 years. They got an apartment and enrolled their kids in school. They were told the petition would take no more than 2 yrs to go through. This didn't turn out to be the case. The petition got put on hold (nothing wrong with it but it just got pushed down in priority). They stayed because they still had 2 years left for the visa and they were already living here and their children (my fiance and his brothers) had learned english and established friendships here. Well to make a long story short, their visa expired and 6 months later their paperwork was accepted. The problem came when my bf got pulled over and put in jail and sent to immigration, all during the 6 months that they were here out of status.

    He's now in removal proceedings despite the fact that he has been accepted for a greencard bc of the timing.....cont...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:24 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • It's a very complicated and stressful situation but he is in danger of being removed from the country. We never expected this. We planned a year ago to get married but when I found out I was pregnant we decided we'd wait until after the baby came. His hearing is November 25th and our baby is due October 2nd. We had planned to get married in early November anyway.

    Our lawyer and many others have informed us that the only way he can stay is if i were to marry and petition for him...

    My dilemma is that my parents will kick me out if I marry him and I don't want to sever my ties with my parents. I know my boyfriend could support me and the baby, we'd have a suitable place to live, insurance, a car, and everything we need to survive, he'd take care of me, I know this for a fact. I was going to marry him anyway. But because of the situation my parents don't want me to marry. him. I don't know what to do!...cont...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:27 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • I can either marry him and sever my ties with my parents and let them down more than I have already. Also potentially end up in a stressful financial situation if my fiance is really taking on too much. I think he can do it but who knows! Plus my mom thinks I'm too young to marry (I agree to a degree) and she's afraid we will want to divorce and I would have to be married 7 years before I'd be able to divorce otherwise I could be accused of marriage fraud and he could get sent back anyway.

    OR I can choose not to marry him and know that I lost the guy I felt that I loved...and my baby will be fatherless even though I know he'd be an amazing father. I don't think I could live with myself if I knew that I could have kept him here but didn't...especially with all he does for me and how much I care for him and his family...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:31 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • I wish I knew what to tell you. I agree with your mom. You are to young to get married. You have to think about what is best for your baby. I think you need your parents at this point in your life. It's a tough decision. How will your boyfriend support you? This economy is very shaky right now.
    meandmyshadow

    Answer by meandmyshadow at 1:42 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • He has a very stable job, yes I know he's not even supposed to be working technically with his status being shaky but a family friend gave him a very good job and he makes great money. He's in his 2nd year of college and once he gets his degree...if we married and he got a status change he could get an even better job. He's such a hard worker and he's very determined. Plus he has quite a good amount of money saved up and we would live with his parents, they are just going to get a bigger place so that it will be more comfortable.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:46 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • If you feel strongly enough about him to marry him and petition for him, then you need to sit down with your parents and ask them to support you even if they don't like your decision; because it's ultimately your decision. They are asking you to choose between them and the father of your child. If he's going to be a good father, I don't see anything against this because I think a child NEEDS a LOVING father. If your parents are so selfish that they cannot except you making the decision for yourself, you'll have to except that they may not be good rolemodels for your children. Also, don't be shackled into feeling that you have to stay married if the marriage becomes abusive. Marriage is not something to be taken lightly, it is something that constantly needs work, and the addition of a child and in consideration for your age, it is going to be very difficult without familal support. I hope you make your own decision..
    Heathercurlz

    Answer by Heathercurlz at 1:48 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • I think that you should think about your baby. Many people have married at 18 and they have gone on to have great marriages. You seem like an intelligent young woman. You made a mistake. But you can always the decision right. Follow your heart and your mind. Your baby needs a father. If this guy will be a good husband and father, then what are you worried about. Trust me, I am talking from experience. When I was going to marry my DH, everyone questioned my decision. But I saw something in him and I knew that he was going to be worth it. Now 13 years later. people always mention how wrong they were about him. He is an awesome husband and father.
    bellasrose71008

    Answer by bellasrose71008 at 1:51 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • Heathercurlz, that's what I have tried to say to my parents...I tried explaining that I don't want to go against their will or "ruin my life" but I truly don't feel that marrying him would be detrimental. I wouldn't do anything to hurt my daughter or make her life harder. She deserves to have her father around and he deserves to be with his daughter. I know what a great father he will be, he is amazing with kids and he's been so excited since the day we found out about this pregnancy. He's supported me through it all. He's paid co-pays and the parts of the hospital bills that were not covered by insurance. He's paid for everything for the baby and he's been here for me emotionally. He's not pressuring me at all. It's my parents who are pressuring me. My fiance says he will love and support me no matter what decision I make. My parents tell me they will kick me out and sever ties if i go against their wishes...not fair.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:55 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • bellasrose71008, thank you so much for saying that. It makes me feel good to know that someone has been told that things wouldn't work but they did. I have all the faith in the world in him and in US and I just know we can make it work. Even if it didn't work...I can live with the fact that I made a mistake but it helped someone I care about and it kept my daughter close to her father. I could never split them up. I grew up without my dad and it was so hard...I can't take that from her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:57 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • This will be very difficult for you. If he is a great guy and has a good job, why are your parents objecting to him so much? You are young, but others have made it at that age. Is there more to the story? Why would your parents disown you? grannywilson
    grannywilson

    Answer by grannywilson at 2:25 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

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