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how to tell MIL to back off

i have one of those over bearing pushy mother in laws. I dont believe in the cry it out methode i dont allow our 4 month old baby to cry I choose to go to him as quickly as possible and calm him down, she things i should let him cry and is always telling me how to deal with him. Also we just started solids with him our dr said to and shes telling me its to early its like she has a opione about everything. How do i tell her to back off with out hurting her feelings. After all im the mom and i have to do what i think is right.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:40 AM on Aug. 26, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • just say

    you can nag me all you want to do things your way, but you might as well save your breath
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:47 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • I would just say thank you for your advice AND go ahead and do it your way. Im sure the MIL means well BUT you are the mommy and deserve the respect to do what you feel is right without her bullsh%% If it gets out of hand, I would talk to your husband and have him talk to her to back her off in a non intimidating way... to take a "stand" for you! Take care I hope this helps mama!! :)
    oliveoyl214

    Answer by oliveoyl214 at 2:03 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • Honestly, I don't think there's much you really can do. Just let it go in one ear and out the other. Smile and say, thanks for your advice, but it works best for us if we do it this way. That way, you've acknowledged her opinion, kept the peace, but made it clear that you are the Mommy. Good luck-I know just how you feel! :)
    EvaSerenity

    Answer by EvaSerenity at 2:04 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • she is probably just very caring about her grandbaby! I know it it hard, especially if the MIL is a first-time grandparent. But it does get better! Try to keep in mind that she probably will have good advice to offer, it just takes time to find a good balance. Just be patient. You might try telling her that it really hurts your feelings when she nags you about certian things, and that it makes you feel like she doesn't approve. If she could see your perspective, and you could try to see hers, it would be easier on both.

    And as a side note, it probably is too early to start solids at 4 months.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:44 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • Just tell her thank you for you opinion. I will take it into consideration.  Then proceed to do it your way.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 6:51 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • there is nothing more fun to watch than a mil trying to control her dil. unless of course you are the dil. i'm sorry. my mil is a beyotch too. with each mil i suppose there will be different ways to handle them. after so many years i finally just started ignoring mine. literally, with her in the house talking to me i just act like she isnt even in the house. easier to do now that she has alzheimer's. you'll have to find something that works for your family situations, but really the best thing i could have ever done was to just completely ignore my mil about everything. and i mean-everything.
    jewjewbee

    Answer by jewjewbee at 8:23 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • There is no need for you to make further trouble for yourself and the family. All you have to do is quietly and calmly tell her when she makes comments that you get lots of advice and you are choosing to follow the advice of your doctor. I doubt that she means to be overbearing. Her generation was a good bit different if she's over 40. It used to be that mothers and mothers-in-laws were considered to be wise enough that their opinions mattered, especially in the matters of child-bearing and rearing. I'm quite sure she is telling you what she believes to be in the best interest of the child. So, all you need do is thank her for her concern and for her opinions and continue to do as you please. You never know. She may even one day tell you something that might be of benefit to you and actually help you see something you had not seen before.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:54 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • Just say thank you and ignore it.. Or say no thanks and ignore it.. LOL either way.. IGNORE IT.. Oooppss I mean her. LOL

    LyTe684

    Answer by LyTe684 at 8:55 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • I would just placate her by saying "that's really great advice, I'll take it into consideration" and then just do it the way that you want. She obviously needs to feel revered in some way. If she keeps being an ass, let your husband deal with her. You don't want to be the bitch in the situation or you'll forever have problems. Hopefully your DH is up to dealing with her.
    Four months IS early to feed your baby. I understand current literature states that solids that early can make children prone to allergies. I would research that one a little & decide.
    You are exactly right in going to your baby when he cries. At this stage in development he is learning that he can have an effect on his environment. He has a need and cries, Mommy comes to take care of his needs. Inherently, it's supposed to be that way, or it wouldn't kill us to hear our babies cry. We ARE the nurturers and you are teaching your son a very valuable lesson.
    JawgaMom1

    Answer by JawgaMom1 at 8:58 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

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