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Do adoptive parents discuss the future regarding natural parents and the possibilty of meeting one day?

Since open adoption seems to be on the rise and natural parents choosing the adoptive family the above question came to me. Im referring to all members of the triad meeting. Since Ive reunited it cant be any harder on my daughter when her aparents are not even friendly.


Asked by CECE09 at 7:38 AM on Aug. 26, 2009 in Adoption

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Answers (29)
  • It really seems like OP's has gotten lost here. I was merely trying to tell all who care to listen that SHE has relinquished a child, and is asking a legitimate question based on her own reunion experience.

    surrenderThere's no need to be insulted by the OP, she is a birth mom (in today's lingo.) Whatever floats your boat. No one is undermining any birth moms. She's asking ALL TRIAD if adoptive parents try to prepare their children for a possible reunion with "you know who".



    Answer by doodlebopfan at 3:57 PM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • We have visitations with our open adoption so we don't need to discuss any future with the birthmother being our child is living it today.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:53 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • You know what I was told before I gave birth? That she would always know she was adopted. That she would always know who I was and who her big sister was. Do you know what they decided AFTER she was in their arms? That they don't want to "confuse" her and feel it's better she not know about us until she is an adult.

    I can only hope that the proper professionals make them realize that she has a right to know of her adoption and of us from the moment she came home with them. It should be common knowledge and something she knows even before she understands what it means.


    Answer by Anonymous at 10:10 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • We are called "birth" parents, not "natural" parents!!

    I know that in my situation, future contact was discussed during the VERY first phone call! I made all of my wants known and if the family seemed hesitant AT ALL, I didnt pursue them any longer

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:22 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • Yes, we did and we do discuss having a relationship with our kids' birth families. We feel that it is truly in our children's best interest to know where they came from. We decided that before we adopted and are now in the phase of building lasting relationships with members of or kids' birth families.

    Answer by hollyanne31 at 11:26 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • I would never use the term natural parent, I think it is insulting. Adoptive parents are not "unnatural parents"

    Is the question whether you discuss meeting with the child or with the bmom at time of placement?

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:43 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • ANON 11:43, NATURAl; existin in or caused by nature;uncultivated; NOT artificial in content OR preparation; in the course of nature; not surprising; to be expected;unaffected, spontaneous,innate,NOT disguised or ALTERED; PARENT; person who HAS, or ADOPTS a child;father or mother; FROM which others derived; source or origin; lineage,descent from OR through PARENTS. Parents whom become so through adoption are NO less parents, but adoption IS NOT by ANY means NATURAL! Loving, kind, and exceptable. Any parent whom diligently raises their children, with compassion, morrals, and CLEAR understandings, IS a parent indeed! I hope that you, will come to understand, that by being in DENIAL, of how we become our childrens parents, serves only to keep the anger and bitterness, stirred. I am My twin sons Natural/Firstmother, THEIR Mother who has raised them is their Mom! However , she did not become their MOM, Naturally! JMHO, CJ

    Answer by ceejay1 at 2:08 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • OP, sorry for taking your post off topic, Adoption has come far, and one can only hope, that as parents, wishing only what IS best for our children...that this IS indeed discussed, agreed upon, and more importantly..followed through. I would love to hear more Moms, whom have indeed discussed these issues, and their ways they are following through;) Blessings, TO ALL MOMS(and Dads), C.J.

    Answer by ceejay1 at 2:11 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • I would be devastated to find out as an adult, that I were adopted. Adoptive parents wishing to "protect" their adopted children are doing them a great disservice.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:20 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • So calling my Mom a Natural mom makes my amom unnatural?
    If it's about antonyms - wouldn't calling her .birthmom make amom a deathmom
    shrugs shoulders??

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:10 PM on Aug. 26, 2009