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Can I get some advice?

I've been seeing this guy for over 5 months now, and I just don't know what to do. See, my soon to be ex husband and I will be divorced in October, but our marriage was over long before that. When I met my BF I was not looking for anything with anyone, I just wanted to move on with my life and that was it. Well, then I met him and at first everything was going fine, he lives pretty far away, but we would talk on the phone and see each other when we could. Well, I have fallen hard for this man, I mean majorly. Last month he said he didn't want a serious relationship right now, but we have continued seeing each other like we always have. Actually, the past 3 weeks we have seen each other more. Is his actions speaking louder than his words? Is it possible he just got scared at first? I try not to push the issue, I don't bring it up anymore. I don't want to lose him but I do want to know if it's going anywhere. What do yall think?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:33 AM on Aug. 26, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • Honestly if I were you, not even divorced yet I would wait before rushing into anything serious. Have fun, find yourself. Its hard to give people relationship advice just because most people already have thier mind made up so it don't matter what you tell them. Men are very confusing they usually say one thing but their actions say something else. Thats just the way men are. I would let him lead it and see where it goes.

    Answer by Rebeccaroe at 8:39 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • Setting aside the divorce factor.. because the fact is.. that relationship is over.. This new guy.. I'd say give him what he wants. If he's telling you he doesn't want a serious relations hip.. and you're falling for him the way that you are... just stop now. Because he's telling you one thing and doing another. leading you on. That's only gonna make things worse in way or another. Don't sit around and WAIT for him to want the same things as you. Quit while you're ahead. GL!

    Answer by LyTe684 at 8:44 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • I think it is way too soon for you to be seeing anyone. The problems in marriage are never totally one-sided, and unless you take some time to learn what it was about yourself that contributed to the downfall of your first marriage, you are destined to behave the exact same way should you marry again. It may be something as basic as a personality trait in you that attracts a personality trait in a man that when mixed in marriage simply don't work well together. There is no such thing as happily ever after, but the more you know about yourself and the more you know exactly what went wrong the first time, the better chance you have of having a successful marriage. It takes a long time to really get to know a person and all the really ingrained character traits that makes for a man of integrity. I think you need to take some time and think about what's important to you that your first hsuband didn't have before you look more

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:48 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • *OP* That's awesome advice, thanks you guys! As for my first marriage, he wouldn't work, wouldn't help me in anything, it felt like I wasn't even married. Then his mother played into the picture in a huge way, he moved us in with her so he could "help" take care of her, so we ended up on welfare because even though I worked, I couldn't support a family of 4 by myself. We have no children together, I have no biological children, just my wonderful stepdaughter who I love dearly. Anyway, I have felt alone for a long time, we haven't had a real relationship in almost a year now. There's some background to go on lol.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:55 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • It could be just a sex thing unless you do other things together if so maybe is just confused and going with the flow.

    But for you just be nice and try not to make yourself to available either make him chase you especially since you are the one that wants him make him learn to want you more..If you do this he will be coming over often that ever. He will soon realize hey this girl is different she is not like the others just hanging on me she giving me my space I better get her before someone

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 9:12 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • Well...IMO, of course. He just said last month that he didn't want a serious relationship. That's basically a guy saying "I'm not ready for marriage or moving in together right now or any of those kinds of responsibilities like that" ..but, you're still around for him as you have been ,so I guess he figures he's got a good thing going without any strings attached right now so why give that up?. He gets his cake and eats it too. I'm assuming here that you're "intimate"?
    That's not to say that things won't change possibly. It's hard to give advice on this kind of a thing because I really don't know enough about how your relationship has been over time. Does he tell you that he loves you? If he does, do you believe him? Could he just be using you? Too many different scenarios but based on what you gave me---I'm going with my answer. He doesn't have to make a committment & you haven't left.

    Answer by KellyGirl_TX at 12:45 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

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