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Do you think some situations are just different?

I'm seeing this guy and he's really different than any guy I've ever dated. He's not lazy in the sense that he won't work, he's worked the same, very demanding, physcial job for years. When he comes home he mows, cleans, and just basically does what needs to be done around his house. When it comes to our relationship though, he is lazy. It's not just with me, his best friend told me thats how he's always been, with every girlfriend he's ever had. I know he likes me, and likes having me there, and talking to me, but I have to do the calling most of the time. He has assured me that he just never was the one to call and things like that. I really REALLY care about him, and it really doesn't bother me that much, I was just curious if anyone else has dated someone like this?

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:45 AM on Aug. 26, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • My DH was like that in the beginning. And he will say to this day.. he just HATES PHONES. LOL Is the phone/phone call the only issue? If so.. that can be worked out.


    Answer by LyTe684 at 8:47 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • So he never makes an effort to see you? You said phone calls and "things like that" Does he text you? Go out of his way to see you? If he doesn't put much effort into the relationship I would question whether or not it's important to him. When I was dating a guy in the beginning I would call him and set up dates twice, and then it was up to him - I would not continue to chase after a guy who wasn't going to really WANT to see me.

    Answer by missanc at 8:51 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • missanc, no she said it's just calling. She did say he likes her and likes having her around. The problem seems to be that she has to call HIM most of the time.

    "I know he likes me, and likes having me there, and talking to me, but I have to do the calling most of the time"


    Answer by LyTe684 at 8:54 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • *OP* yea, he's never texted LOL, I tried to teach him but he's just not interested in that. We had this conversation last night, he got a little miffed because I was getting so many texts coming through and he said he just didn't get the point. He's a little old fashioned, which I don't mind. He's a "counrty boy" and I love that about him. If he misses my call, he always calls me back though, unless he's worked all day in the field and is helping his parents do something, and he tells me that when we do talk. I just think he's being lazy....

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:58 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • He may just be one of those men who likes to do the pursuing. I know that is considered to be old school, but there are still some guys around like that. It may be that he was raised to think that the guy was supposed to call the girl. That's precisely how I raised my two boys and my daughter. It was such an oddity even 5 years ago that my daughter's husband thought she wasn't interested in him because she wasn't burning the phone lines into his house. She was the only girl in his 31 years of life who hadn't chased after him, and he asked her to marry him. He painted a barn roof saying "_____, Will you marry me?" Then he rented a plane and flew her over the barn, after he had asked for her daddy's permission to marry her. Most women never get to experience that kind of romance because they are the ones who do the pursuing. I don't think there is anything at all "wrong" about this guy. I think he is very "Right."

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:00 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • He sounds like a keeper, so what if he doesn't like to take the initiative in sex as long as it turns out

    No I have never gone through this but if I did I would do what I just said above :)

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 9:07 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • If he genuinely likes to spend time with you, and always returns your calls, then I think if you can deal with it, it's no problem. If you start feeling upset about it (outside of other people's comments/opinions) THEN it becomes a problem.

    Answer by SWasson at 9:25 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • Well it sounds like he just might not be a phone guy, maybe he prefers to see you and talk to you in person. It is good that he does return your calls if he missed them. My hubs is not a phone person at all. When we were dating he would call me sometimes but mostly it was up to me, and then he usually did not have too much to say. At first it was a bit off-putting to be doing most of the calling and talking, but I did come to realize he is just not a phone person and I accepted him for who he was. He now has a cell, but usually only calls me if he is going to be late gettng home, or if he has an errand to run before coming home.

    Answer by MizLee at 10:22 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • He sounds a lot like my boyfriend, in terms of working and doing what needs to be done, etc. I always have to call my boyfriend, too. He works 3rd shift, though, and so if he's not working or doing things that need to be done around the house or for his parents, he's sleeping. He prefers me to call him, b/c then he knows that he won't oversleep and then not be able to talk to me. If I call him, the phone wakes him up, where if he just sets the alarm, he'll be tempted to hit snooze until he has to rush to get ready and out the door. It used to bother me, I felt like maybe he wasn't as into me as he claimed, but then I realized from the way he would answer on the first ring from a dead sleep, or call me back almost immediately if he missed my call for some reason, and when he asked me to leave him a message every morning when I get up so he can hear my voice, that he loves me very much. Some guys just need you to do the calling.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 11:18 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

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