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what would you do?

My SO and I haven't been physical in almost 2 years. We never touch, cuddle or spend quality time together. I can not remember the last time I was kissed other than a peck. Naturally thoughts of leaving the relationship have crossed my mind, but I know he loves me and I highly doubt he's cheating. Recently I met a nice gentleman who I chatted with in a local restaurant for awhile. We didn't exchange numbers or anything along those lines, it just made me realize, what I feel, I've been missing.
I don't know what to do, I care for my SO but not sure I'm in love. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.


Asked by Anonymous at 10:24 AM on Aug. 26, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • This doesn't sound good and it's not even a marriage. Are you willing to settle for this the rest of your life? Get on and meet other men and if he finally figures out what is going on he can fight to win you back or sit on the couch and watch tv alone.

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:43 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • Have you tried to talk to your SO? Just sit down and lay everything out that you are feeling.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:27 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • I went through the same thing with my ex husband. I am a very affectionate person and he wasn't. I told him that I was afraid someone would come along and show me some attention and it would be dangerous. Well guess what? Someone came along, showed me attention and it was dangerous. ( We were in the process of seperating at the time, but still it wasn't a good idea) anyway, even though thats not the only reason we are divorcing, it did play a part in it. I would either talk to my husband, suggest counsling if you love him and want it to work. If he's willing to change then your marriage might just be saved.

    Answer by jillisue808 at 10:28 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • OP HERE- I have talked to him. he doesn't think there is a problem. He thinks us sitting beside each other on the couch watching tv counts as time together. Which would be nice, if I wasn't having to chase around a toddler throughout the whole program. He will hug me, but that's not enough. I'm not sure if he wanted to get physical now, that I even could. I feel disconnected from him. Like we're just people that happen to share a baby. I have talked about how I feel, and he THEN goes into how much he loves and appreciates what I do.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:33 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • Thats how my ex was too, it was only when I either threatened to leave or actually leave ( I left twice for a week at a time) that he would change. Then when I came back he would change for a month or so then it would be right back to the same thing all over again. I would still suggest counsling, maybe try to get him to see what this is doing to you. I believe if a marriage can be saved it should. Good luck hun!

    Answer by jillisue808 at 10:43 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • As bad as it sounds my husband and I go through spurts of the same thing. When I mention how he never seems to be there anymore, he doesn't seem to realize how he's not. I myself like to be physical, sure you can tell me you love me, but showing me you love me is what really counts. I think what really gets to me is that there was so much contact in the begining, but it seems the longer were together, the less likelly I am to get a kiss even out of the middle of no where other then a peck. I can't really give you any words of advice, but I can let you know, I know how you feel.

    Answer by Soon2Be8489 at 10:50 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • Tell him if he does not strat acting like he loves you. The relationship is over. Sense you are not married it will be very easy for you to leave and start over.

    Answer by louise2 at 11:22 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • Maybe if you both love each other and want to work it out you could try counseling! I mean I have been there but not for 2 years. We would go a month or so and then it was like something's got to give and we would sit down and talk and explain things. My dh has a very tough job and a lot of responsibility and I believe that was part of his problem. Maybe your husband has too much on his plate. Good luck to you and hopefully yall can work it out or move on!

    Answer by momwifelove at 11:56 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • You need to try everything before you just divorce him. Get into marriage counseling!

    Answer by feesharose at 12:27 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • I'm not the cuddley type because I feel smotherd by affection. My husband tells me I don't love him as much as he does me. It's not that. I wasn't raised with affection and therefore never really knew how to accept hugs and kisses.
    Just ask him about his past and if he was shown affection. Ask the right questions, keep an open mind and view things with perspective and understanding.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:02 PM on Aug. 26, 2009