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The male role in the house

What role your husband, boyfriend, signifacant other ect. play in your hom???

My husband works full-time to take care of me and our daughter , which I appreciate) but he feels that his responsibility ends there. He does not clean, (not even after himself, One day I found finger nail clippings left on our coffee table and he always leaves his plate on the table for me after he's done eating sometimes overnight) he expects me to get up EVERY morning to make him breakfast, as if it will kill him to do it himself every once in a while. We have a 1 year old daughter and I am her primary caregiver he never helps with feeding, bathing, diapering, nothing !!! but then wants to get mad he our daughter crawls over his head to get to me. It is really pissing me off. We just had a fight about our basement we have people coming in town it looks like a train wreck but he will not lift a finger to help clean it, it's all his mess BTW

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:19 PM on Aug. 26, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • then let them come stay in the mess if he doesn't care then don't break your back
    mirit.rose

    Answer by mirit.rose at 12:22 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • My husband works two part-time jobs(one is closer to full-time hours wise) to support us while Im on unemployment until I can get a job so i am a SAHM until then.

    It is my job to clean, do laundry, and take care of our daughter. But he does help tons with her. If i ask him to do something, I might get a groan of annoyance, but he'll help. And I usually only ask if I'm crunched for time or people are coming over.

    You should have a sit down talk with your husband and explain what you expect from him. I mean, he should definitely help with your daughter, at least play with her. It's his child too.
    MommyLee08

    Answer by MommyLee08 at 12:24 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • He needs to clean up after himself. Chances are you did it to be nice and he just got used to it. Ask him to please be considerate and clean up after himself as you will be trying to teach that to the kids and he needs to be a good role model.
    MY hubby used to do that. Then I got sick and he took care of me. Now we work together, but since he is stronger he does more..
    SusieD250

    Answer by SusieD250 at 12:39 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • im a SAHM he owns his own business so he works long crazy hours, i do expect him to watch the kids if hese here and im cooking or if i need a few mins break. which he does.. he also watches them for a few hours when i go to the store.. cleaning wise i dont want his help, he just gets in my way.. occasionally i have to remind him to take care of his own plate, yeah it gets a little annoying but its life
    2cuteboysrmine

    Answer by 2cuteboysrmine at 12:39 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • I'm a SAHM so DH is the breadwinner and bascially feels his work ends when he clocks out for the day. I don't expect him to do all the work with the kids, cleaning, laundry, cooking, or budgeting but TBH, it would be nice if every now and then, he would dry while I wash dishes. Or to *gasp* fold his small basket of clothes. Or at the very least to pick up his own mess. I have told him so many times I'm at work 24 hours a day and get no breaks. It's not much fun to be unappreciated.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:42 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • My dh works and I SAH, so just by default I do a majority of the housework, BUT - he does help out if asked and he does his own laundry (he works with pharmaceuticals, some very dangerous, and doesn't want to chance something getting on our babies clothes). And he watches the kids while I finish cooking supper and clean up. What is your dh doing while you do all the work?
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 12:50 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • My husband is the same...he feels his day ends at 4:30 and yet mine does not end until all the kids are asleep.
    He was raised with the ideals of the woman stays home and the man works outside the home.
    Our son is almost 5 and has never given him a bath, never changed a diaper. Yet he would point out the poopy diaper need to be changed.
    I have never been helped by him. But I have learned to accept it and not think about it too much because it will just tick me off.
    There is no talking to a man like this...just accept it for the way he is or leave. Your already playing the role of the single parent, all he is is a guy who keeps you off welfare. You leave, you get freedom and child support.
    It's your call.
    I would rather accept things because I don't want another divorce and because I fear my lazy ass husband would get custody
    wheresthewayout

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 12:51 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • I find it to be very disrespectful to you that he leaves his messes for you to clean up. You are not a maid or his mother. I believe as a SAHM it is your job to clean, laundry, take care of the kids while he is gone. Should he have to come home and do his own laundry or cook his own dinner no, but should he get off his butt and walk his plate to the sink? YES!!  He should participate in the family even if he does work long hours. Your hours never stop I would talk to him and explain that he needs to pick after himself and that when he doesn't it makes your work harder.

    abellvalerie

    Answer by abellvalerie at 1:04 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • I get up with the kids in the morning and get them ready for the day while he gets ready for work then make him breakfast, he goes to work until 4 then we switch i go to work and he is home with the kids and when i come home on my meal break he makes me dinner. we split all chores and when we are both home with the kids we trade off on who changes diapers. i think it's sad that you have to do it all by your self but i wouldn't put up with it if i were you. it's just disrespectful. but on the other hand you are a SAHM and most of that stuff is your job . just ask him to help you more
    yas_marie_87

    Answer by yas_marie_87 at 1:10 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • Im very blessed. Im a SAHM to our ds who is about to turn 10 yrs old. But dh still does most all of the grocery shopping, drops off and picks up the dry cleaning, and cooks dinner most of the time. (I do the clean up) He helps out with ds without having to be asked. Does the yards. Takes out the trash. Helps with housework. I do the main cleaning but he will pitch in with things and pick up here and there as well. He will wait on me hand and foot when he is home.
    Im just totally blessed to have someone as wonderful as he is.
    Melindakc

    Answer by Melindakc at 2:09 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

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