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How do I deal with this?

My kids are 8 and 7. There are a couple kids across the street 10 and 7. they play here constantly. which would be fine except I have different rules for my kids then these kids have of their own. And everytime my kids go outside to play with them they are suppose to tell me where there will be. But more often then not when I go out to get them there are no where to be found. They end up at the gas station, down the block, or somewhere else they did not inform me of. yesterday my 7 yrold boy said he was going to ride his bike around the block... I went out to get him waited a minute or two did not see him looked around, nothing. then here he comes with the nieghbor girl, they had rode across the highway (4 lanes) to go to a store over there.
I've grounded, given time outs, taken bikes away, didn't allow them to play for a few days....
Should I not allow play with these kids anymore.... What would you do???

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Asked by janeenee at 12:55 PM on Aug. 26, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • What they are doing is dangerous (sp?). I would try to talk to the parents of the other kids and see what could be resolved there. I would also let your kids know that if they didn't start following your rules then they wouldn't be allowed to play with the neighbors.

    Answer by Juggalette0327 at 12:59 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • do what you need to care for there safety

    Answer by mirit.rose at 12:59 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • I would not allow my kids to play with them. Your kids are old enough to know and respect the rules that you have given them. They show time and again that they do not have to abide by these rules when the other kids are around. I would say that if they can not listen to my rules then I would take their friends away. They might get the seriousness of the situation if they lost their friends. I would also talk to their mother. Does she know that her kids are going across traffic like they do. If she does not care, you might want to talk to someone in authority about neglect of these children.


    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 1:05 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • Don't allow them to play with them anymore. The things that they are doing (riding across a highway!?!?!?!) is very dangerous to them. You have to make sure that you are keeping your children's safety your priority. Sadly, the other parents don't seem to mind their children running off but you have to be responsible for yours.

    Answer by KennsWifey at 1:22 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • Your house, your rules.

    The rule in our house (one of three) was 'always tell the adult in charge before going anywhere with anyone' and it applied equally to everyone in the building, regardless of age. There is nothing as exciting as thinking you left the other parent in charge only to find they left 15 minutes before you.

    In order to effect this rule, you are going to have to spend time training everyone. That means for probably the next 6 months, you are going to have to actually know where the children are --and be close enough to them to be able to hear what they're doing so you can step in 100% of the time when they have come up with a 'plan' for what to do next. There is hardly anything a parent can say that is funnier than 'or, you could not do that, because it's dangerous,' in reply to a plan the kids had NO IDEA you'd heard them make.

    You can hire a mother's helper who gets the rules, to help with this.

    Answer by LindaClement at 1:24 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • Id probably make them stay inside for a while until they understood what the rules were and could follow them. After that, I would be inclined to only let them play in the fenced-in backyard if they were unsupervised, or if they were going to be out in the front area, the rule would be, only if I or another approved adult were out there to watch them.
    My ds is about to turn 10 and I still wont let him out in the front area unless my dh or I am out there as well. Too many weirdo's in the world these days.

    Answer by Melindakc at 2:01 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • when any other child is in my home they HAVE TO FOLLOW my rules. If they cannot the first they are banned for a week, the second time a month, the third time lifetime ban..(it is actually a 3 month ban, but the few kids who have gotten told me it felt like a life time) ...I expect my kids to follow Out houses rules as well as the rules of the house where they are at. I may help to have house rules posted in plain sight In our house there are rules and laws ...LAWS cannot be broken. they are courtesy (respect others their property and the house rules/laws), common sense , (you don't leave the yard without telling someone)and safety (you do not cross the highway w/out an adult) (at all times) If the laws are broken severe and quick punishment is handed out. rules are if you burp or gas up say excuse me, answer an adult yes ma'am no ma'am yes sir no sir etc etc


    Answer by Anonymous at 2:43 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • Your house. Your rules. Let the other kids know the rules too. If they are at your house playing, they need to let you know when they are leaving. When they are at your house, they are your responsibility.

    If my kids took off without telling me, riding their bikes all over town, they would be grounded at least a week and my house would be spotless and my gardens weeded.

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 11:12 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • Thank you all so much... with these other kids over there I was wondering if I was being "overprotective"... now I can feel reassured that i am NOT. No the mother of the other childeren does not really seem to mind where her kids are or what they are doing.
    I feel 12 is an appropriate age to be given these freedoms that these young neighborhood kids have so early.
    I am not letting my kids play with them anymore until they show me they can follow rules and stay where they are suppose to be. This has went on all summer and I've given them chances and am done with it now.
    I don't want to walk outside expecting my young children to be playing and then realize they are no where around.... makes me worried and stressed!!
    Thank you all for your advice :)

    Answer by janeenee at 1:48 PM on Aug. 27, 2009

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