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crying it out bad or good?

im against the crying it out for babies. thats there only way of telling us whats wrong but im having a hard time conviencing my mother in law and my husband that its not ok to do this. does anyone have some websites that may help me with my battle.
also who does the cry it out way and why?
and why are you against it if you are?

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Asked by Jaxsmommy09 at 1:01 PM on Aug. 26, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

Level 16 (2,370 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • It depends on each child. I don't feel crying it out was beneficial to my kids as they had communication issues. However, it might be right for another family. I think the world needs all types of people with all types of backgrounds and differing parenting will allow for that. And just to let ya know, sometimes Dad does know best. :)

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:06 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • I did cry it out - my son had colic since day one til 5 months old - 14 hours a day. Which caused sleeping issues, finally at 8 months old he was waking up 8 times a night, My ped said due to the severity of his colic, he never learned self soothing skills and in turn is causing him not to sleep and if I didn't get a game plan, it could affect him developmentally. I freaked out and up to this point had tried every other method from 3 other books, so I HAD to do hard core cry it out. nothing else seemed to calm my son. I was never for or against it. I think mom's and families NEED to look and realize every situation is different. I have gotten slammed for letting my son CIO but I am far from a lazy mother with my son, it wasn't that i didn't want to go to him and I have cried outside his door more than I can count, but when you've tried everything else what do you do?

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 1:07 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • I'm totally against it. It is their way of letting us know that something is wrong. I tried it for about 10 mins with mine for about three days and it was horrible so I stopped. After I stopped I would just lay her in there and shush her and turn on her music thing until she was asleep and now she doesnt give me any trouble at all.

    She just needed to know I was there and she wasnt going to be left there if something was wrong. Now I can just lay her in there, turn on her music thing, and maybe a shush or two before I leave the room and she's fine.

    If you let them cry it out its telling them that even if something is wrong you're not going to be there. Maybe there are some children who need that, I mean, I'm no expert. But in my opinion its wrong.

    Answer by Deathlilly at 1:09 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • look up the Harvard study on cry-it-out. Ineffective and harmful, IMO. One of the big dangers is baby's body producing too much cortisol and causing brain damage. Continue to follow your heart and print off the research to give your DH and MIL. If they don't buy it, it's their prob, and you keep doing what you're doing :)

    Answer by Kat770 at 1:12 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • It depends on the child, their age, the situation, and what they are crying about.
    If your kid is older (12+ months) and are crying for say, a bottle at bed time, just let them cry.
    If they are crying because they don't want to be alone, be there with them. BUT DON'T GIVE IN. If you let them cry for a bit then give in, they will learn that crying will get them their way, which is not ok.
    So, yea, I can't really give you my opinion on it, because I honestly think that some things are OK to just cry it out, while others just aren't.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:12 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • yeah, I did that -I laid with my son, We played music, we did white noise, we ran vaccums, we sang songs, we rocked, we cuddled, I went in every 5 minutes, picked him up, didn't pick him up, patted his back, rubbed his back, talked to him in a soothing voice, made sure he was dry, fed, tired, did nighttime baths, he had/has a routine, I didn't go from one thing to another, I gave each one time to work.... I wonder sometimes what exactly other mom's that were in my shoes could have possibly done better or longer than 8 months if crying it out is so WRONG - I took him to the doctor over and over and he was medically fine, besides "colic" it just aggrivates me to no end when someone can make that call.....

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 1:15 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • i dont want to start a fight in here i think every parent has to do what they feel is right for their child but i did just look up the harvard study and OMG im shocked i didnt want to let my child to cry it out to begin with but now im not for sure.
    I do however believe there is a certain point at their age you may have to let them cry alittle bit obvioulsy if your 2 year old is just crying because he doesnt want to go to bed you just have to let him cry a bit. But my baby is only 4 months so hes crying because something is wrong even if its just that he wants to be cuddled.
    thanks everyone.

    Answer by Jaxsmommy09 at 1:22 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • I never let my son cry it out for more than five minutes before he was about nine months old. When I transitioned him to his crib for naps and night sleeping a little CIO became necesary. If he's changed, fed and I know good and well he is just sleepy and it is his bedtime or naptime I will let him cry. He usually doesn't cry, but every now and again will fuss a bit before he goes down. I never let him fuss for more than 20minutes and you really just have to judge by the cry. I know the difference between the "mommy I'm really hungry" cry, to the "I'm tired and don't want to go to sleep" cry, or the" mama I just want some boobie to help me go back to sleep" cry, to the "It's one in the morning and I have to burp and it's really pissing me off" cry. You just learn when to CIO and when not to. The first few times it was hard, but then he went right to sleep for the most part and will put himself back to sleep when he wakes up.

    Answer by WindyTheWidow at 1:28 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • I let my kids cry it out and they are excellent sleepers. I didn't exactly use the CIO method, but I did let them fuss and it didn't take but 2-3 nights and they fussed for less than 20 mins. The book I used was Babywise: Giving Your Child the Gift of Nighttime Sleep and it was wonderful. I have 3 older children who are 8, 9 and 11 who are extremely well behaved, my 8 and 9 year olds are both certified AG (so there goes the brain damage part of the CIO study) so I know it works and have done the same thing with my 9 month old. He's been sleeping 11-12 hours/night since 4 months. I'm a much better mommy when I get my sleep, and he feels better when he gets his.

    Answer by missanc at 1:28 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • I think it depends on the amount of time and effort you're willing to put in to helping them get to sleep. It also depends on the temperament of the child, too. We are fortunate to have a VERY chill baby that rarely fusses unless he's hungry or sleepy. Every night we take the extra time to rock him to sleep, sing to him, and make sure he's out before putting him in his crib. It won't be long before he'll be too big to hold and rock. So for us, crying it out is not really an option. Besides, the whole time your baby is crying, the entire family is miserable! Might as well take the time to get him to sleep gently and peacefully. Now if we've already tried rocking, singing, holding him, etc and he still won't go to sleep, then that's another story! We let him cry for a few mins to drain that last little bit of energy and then go back in and try rocking him again. It usually works the 1st or 2nd time.

    Answer by mrs_morango at 2:00 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

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