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My Two Year Old...

I am currently blessed enough to be raising a two year old little girl whose mother is deceased (apparent suicide) around the time she was 6 months old. I am engaged to her father and have been for the last year. I have been "mommy" since she was one. I made it very clear to my DF that if we were going to be married that I just HAD to adopt her. He agreed that it would be okay with him if I did. We have not set a date to marry. DD has visitation with her maternal grandmother every other weekend. The lines of communication with this woman are static filled to say the least. Long story there. To be honest, I want to go ahead, marry and get the adoption moving along because if anything were to happen to my DF, or us as a couple, I would have no rights to her I would just die if she wasn't mine anymore. I haven't told my DF that one reason for wanting to adopt her though. It's not my only. Wrong or not???

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:40 PM on Aug. 26, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (14)
  • OP: And I cannot grasp the idea of her going to live with her maternal family. They are bad people, criminal records, prison time, just down right mean family to be honest and everyone even the Courts know it, but if something were to happen to him, there really wouldn't be another option but his mother, and she is crazy as a shit-house rat!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:42 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • not wrong at all!
    truthteller0722

    Answer by truthteller0722 at 1:42 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • Just tell him...it's a valid point and every relationship should be based upon open communication even if it's not something he wants to hear, he should still listen.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 1:42 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • That baby needs you. Do whatever it takes to be able to adopt her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:45 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • I agree, do whatever it takes to adopt her. I also agree you do need to tell him. Like you said, that is not the only reason you want to do it, but it is a good reason.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:00 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • I would tell him! Maybe that would speed things up some. I know how you feel also...I've raised my sd since she was 7 months old, she's now 3. Her BM sees her on occassion and it kills me to let her go with her, and kills me knowing that if dh died I would have no rights to her. Do what you have to do to protect that child, and yourself.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:05 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • OP, I am touched by your LOVE for your daughter, and she is your daughter in every way that counts...being there for her daily, loving her, caring for her, even through the rough times. I commend you. I agree with the others, honesty is the only way to make ANY relationship work. So have that heart to heart with SO. IMHO, you will also need to put all your cards on the table with your daughters Grandma, and try to come to a "common place", about what it is you feel, and expect. You are both adults, and Grandma WILL always be there for her grandaughter, and rightfully so. So, 'static filled" is not good for either of you, and most definately not for your daughter. Might I suggest you do this sooner than later, it really IS what is best for this little girl. Part of ANY relationship, is WORKING on the relationship, daily! Excepting the things we cannot change, and DEALING with the rest. You can do this, C.J.
    ceejay1

    Answer by ceejay1 at 2:49 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • CEEJAY - I couldn't agree with you more when it comes to your comment about the gramma. However, these are backwoods, irrational, rather spit on you than look at you type of people, she even threatened to have my DF killed so she could get custody of my DD.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:23 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • Why doesn't he do a will and name you the guardian? Go to a family law attorney (a good one) and get the right paperwork drawn up. This could be in place in a week.
    luckyshamrock

    Answer by luckyshamrock at 4:33 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • LUCKY - I thought of this yesterday, as I am a paralegal and did a will for someone with a guardianship and trust clause in it..... Great minds think alike!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:41 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

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