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Please provide 101 separating rules/advice!

My DH has decided to leave and I just dont know what to expect from this separation. From how are things going to be between us to what he will be taking with him. He saids he does not know and that he will only be taking his clothes. Please provide your advice in what I should do to keep myself and kids (DS9 & DD6) ahead of the game, I have no clue what's about to hit me. I am not stupid is just one of those things never thought it would happen therefore never gave it to much thought! Thanking you in advance, God Bless!

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:14 PM on Aug. 26, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • I'm so sorry to hear about your separation. It's so hard not only on the two people splitting up, but the kids seem to get hit the worst in some instances. That doesn't mean your children will just fall apart, some kids seem to be more resilient and adapt to changes in their surroundings, I only bring it up as they may act out a little more or be more withdrawn as they deal with the feelings they may be having about daddy not being at home anymore all the time. Let them know it's not their fault and you both still love them. I would definitely retain an attorney. If you were a SAHM you can find pro-bono(free) legal assistance for yourself. I would have been more than happy to look up the link for you, but since you are anon, I don't know what state you are in. You are going to have mixed feelings, one minute you will miss him probably, next you will hate him. Normal to go through that.(cont)

    Answer by CinderAmethyst at 3:22 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • ...You don't know if he's already retained an attorney so it's best to be pro-active than sitting waiting for papers to come to your door. Concentrate on getting a job, or if you are employed, working on temporary child care arrangements with family/friends til the divorce is final(unless there are any chances of reconciling?? have you talked about counseling??). You need to put those children of yours first(which I'm sure you know already, just thinking of everything i went through) and try not to let it get the best of you. Words may be exchanged although from just what you posted here it sounds like he's not going to fight for custody or anything like that and just wants out of the marriage.

    If i can help you in any way, feel free to PM me and I'll do what I can to find social services/legal assistance for you. I have been there, but I promise you it will be okay. Trust in your faith and your God and you will be fine.

    Answer by CinderAmethyst at 3:25 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • When I left my EX (it was him , me and our son) I took all the bath towel, wash cloths, etc made 3 pile I took 2 left him with 1. I took the couch left him the bed I took the kitchen table left him the dining table. I took most of my sons things, left a few things there for when he visited. I took my dresser and night stand. I went to yard sales bought him a set of dishes and pots and pans. I took the toaster left the toaster oven. I tried to keep it fair> I didn't think it would be fair for me to take everything do I divided it up. He did have to admit I was more than fair to him


    Answer by Anonymous at 3:27 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • No you are not stupid at all.....what is ahead for you and your kids is the unknown and I can tell you what I did and how it was for me but it was different for my BFF and some of our other friends. The best advice I can give you is to get a lawyer. A lot of women think that the DH will be fair and they can work it out civilly....that doesn't always happen You are entitled to 1/2 of his retirement make copies of one or 2 of his pay stubs, your tax records all credit bills in your name his name and both. the mortgage balance and savings accounts and checking close the joint saving and checking accounts today get your own account at another bank. You need to assume he will be an ass hole so cover your butt. If he isn't them thats good but if he is you will be ready. figure out visitation, does he have a screwy work schedule? what about holidays, mothers/fathers day the kids b-day how will you work those out.


    Answer by justgrape723 at 3:32 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • My x moved in with a friend so he didn't need anything but his clothes. The only things we worked out before he left was an agreement that if we saw other ppl we wouldn't go where we knew the other might be. He still came and saw the kids. The kids adjusted well without all the fighting that used to go on. Take one step at a time and figure it all out. It is great to take time apart and get to know each other all over again.

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:33 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • Cont......what about sporting leagues who pays for that ? is that included in the child support or will you both split that 50/50. what about school events can you both behave enough to both be there or do you take turns. Teacher conferences can you do it together or will you need separate appts. vacations how many week(s) how far can you take them . what about moving do you have to stay in current school district or can you move across town, state , country?(my BFF's EX put it in the papers she could only move with in a 25 mile radius of the home they were living in when they got divorced) My ex put in the papers I could not change my sons last name (?, like I would) & that our son was to only call him dad (?duh)

    What if one kid is too sick for a scheduled visitation do you reschedule for both or does he just take one. What about school supplies are those included in the child support or do you split that 50/50

    Answer by justgrape723 at 3:40 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

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