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I could explode.....

I have yet to figure out why on earth my husband thinks we can live happily married WITHOUT trust. No, I don't even think it's the fact the "thinks" we can, I just think he doesn't give a shit, and somewhere in there his conscious is silently telling him so underneath all of the deceptive lies he feeds himself. He literally thinks that I am suppose to sit back, shut up and get over it. To him, I am not suppose to bring it up, think about it, "feel" about it or anything! How can we ever solve the problems in our marriage if this is how he wants to think? I've did everything I could and the rest has to be met with HIM participating too. He's selfish and rebelious, and I'm just really freakin SICK OF IT! He told me today, like he has said many times before, that I'm just suppose to trust him. WTF. A woman will trust her spouse if he is trustworthy! Cont.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:40 PM on Aug. 26, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • How are you suppose to trust someone who isn't trustworthy? Better yet, disrespectful, all about himself, inconsiderate and many other things? This isn't just one problem, it's a heap of them all connected to one another. I guess I'm mostly ranting, but how many here think a marriage can survive without those things?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:42 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • Dought it could. Why not try counseling? I am sorry that you are having a particularly bad day. I hope things get better.
    DevilInPigtails

    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 8:49 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • it cant . thats why so many dont.
    hypersquirrel

    Answer by hypersquirrel at 8:50 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • Bad day? More like 80% of the 4 years we've been together. A LOT of bad days, but thanks for your sympathy. I could always use it seeing how I have a heartless, cold husband.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:54 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • This is hard because we do not know what he is doing to lose your trust or what he is disrespecting himself. I am sure that you have told him this and you need to own up to your self that it is not going to get any better. You need to take a deep breath, get yourself together and move on. If he is not willing to work hard enough to make your relationship better then you need to get out. It is not fair to you or your kids, if you have any. Tell him this and if he decides your relationship is important to him, important enough to save, then he will work on it and maybe go to counselling. If not, you might want to start on your own and in a while find someone else. I hope he wises up for the sake of his family.

    krissyvelazquez

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 9:06 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • Tell him trust is EARNED not just given.

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 9:21 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • what exactly do you want him to do to make you happy? do you even know?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:19 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • Of course I know. Just because i didn't describe the "what" part here on CafeMom, doesn't mean I don't know.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:55 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • My husband cheated. I asked for EVERY detail. he would get SO upset and annoying when I brought it up. He said those same things. I made a mistake, its over, shut up, just trust me. UM NO! When we FINALLY went to counselling, she told him straight up to shut up, listen, and never tell me to stop again. It started to get into his head that I'm not crazy, im hurt, and he should count his lucky stars I didnt leave his ass! Then his boss told him how he cheated on his wife 7 years ago and still hears about it when she is having bad days. He told my hubby how he would rather hear about it 3 times a year than to not have her as his wife anymore. It helped so much, that I havent had the need to talk about it for about 4 months now. Sometimes, they just need to hear that they aren't the only ones going through it and that you need to talk! whatever it is about!!! and i still dont fully trust my hubby... time will tell
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:06 AM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • I'm confused...Did he cheat? Has he given you concrete reasons to feel this way because of things he did in the past.? Or is he just not as open with thing, as you would like, and perhaps just making you feel suspicious? I've seen men and women do this exact behavior. They think that leaving a bit of suspicion for the other person, will I guess, keep them on their toes. Their insecurities lead them to do things that provoke jealously in their partners to feel needed, desired and wanted. This logic is twisted, but I've seen it a lot. If you are, in fact, dealing with him having a cheating issue.....then you need to explain that he needs to be extra sensitive of your feelings. He needs to understand that he caused you these insecurities, and however long it takes, he needs to be understanding and take the heat, he needs to earn your trust again. I personally, know myself and I could NOT let it go...you?
    doublefistin

    Answer by doublefistin at 11:21 AM on Aug. 27, 2009

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