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help with a teenage daughter..

This is a question about my sisters daughter. She just turned 18 in june. She has been taking karate classes since she was about 12. Well she came home and told her mom that she was in love with her instructor who is 40 y/o and that he wanted her to move to chicago with him.Well let me also tell you about this guy...his wife just left him..nobody knows why..and he has children. My sister is so upset right now.....what would you do in this situation? I feel so bad for her.....


Asked by momnc28341 at 10:07 PM on Aug. 26, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 3 (21 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • Send her dad to talk to the karate instructor.
    Trying to talk sense into a teenaged girl is like trying to scuba dive in a sumo suit. The more you say no, the more they hear "yes".

    This man is clearly going through a midlife crisis. His wife just left him and he's desperate to feel desirable again and to get back at his wife by using an 18 year old girl.

    If he's a father himself then he should think about the situation being with an older man/woman and his daughter/son.
    A decent man would back off.

    Having said that, sometimes you just have to let your kids make mistakes no matter how hard it is on you or your sister.
    If she forbids her then she risks her daughter going anyways AND losing her relationship with her.
    As difficult as it is, she might have to let it happen.
    She should make it clear that she doesn't agree with it but she is still her daughter and she still loves her no matter what.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:14 PM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • You can't do much since she is 18... too bad she isn't 17, you could technically call the police on him. Basically all she can do is try to discussit with her like she is just another adult and she has to make her own decisions and deal with the consequences. Sorry to say.... there isn't much you can do!

    Answer by missbreezy214 at 10:55 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • Listen.

    One of the things any teen in the country can tell you is that 100% of the adults they know, and have ever known, have something to tell them but will not listen.

    Nothing a teen says is considered to have any sense, any reason, any hope of ever being sane... and then people wonder why teens get so hooked up on inappropriate attention. Why wouldn't she? If this is the first adult who has ever taken anything she said seriously, why wouldn't that be attractive?

    Call her, say 'I hear you have plans' and then wait. Listen. Ask neutral and curious questions... not 'and how do you figure that will work?' sarcasm, but real, genuine 'tell me about that,' questions that imply you've heard what she said so far.

    Treat her like an adult, sane, intelligent friend. You could be the second person in her life to do it, and she may have some cause to pause and think before bolting over the horizon with the first one.

    Answer by LindaClement at 12:07 AM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • Nothing. She's an adult.

    Answer by LyTe684 at 8:49 AM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • I would tell her that you would like a meeting with the man and her. If they are adult enough to say these types of things, I would want this man to sit in front of me and talk. Then I would gauge how to handle this. I have to tell you if that was my daughter, I would be so upset. Try to reason with her, If she moves there is nothing you can do. But Im not so sure I could follow my own advise, without losing my cool. My daughter turns 18 in November. I cant imagine how your sister feels.

    Answer by Sparkle2flames at 3:02 PM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • Im only 19 & i can see shes making a HUGE mistake if she does that.
    Just try to talk to her...

    Answer by YoungMommy409 at 12:41 AM on Aug. 28, 2009