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So, what if I'm overwhelmed?

I'm really resentful of my daughter lately. My husband works long hours. I'm a stay at home mom. My daughter is almost 15 months and, I've not been away from her for more than a couple of hours at a time since birth. I feel trapped... suffocated almost. I feel like I can't get out. I love her, and I want her... but sometimes I feel like just giving up. Just leaving for awhile. I would never do it, but the pull is tempting.
I knew that being a mom wouldn't be easy but, I never expected this. I'd go to work except, we'd be paying more in childcare than I'd make. We don't have any family around because my husband is military -- we're really far away from them. What do I do? I feel so alone. I'm afraid to say anything because I'm afraid someone will think I'm a bad mom... that I don't love her... and take her away. I don't want that, I don't know what to do.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:35 AM on Aug. 27, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (6)
  • its hard being a stay at home mom, because you are with your kids 24/7. If you have a friend on the base where your staying, see if they would be willing to watch your dd, for a few hours, while you have some alone time for yourself, or on a night when your dh is home, see if he can watch her and take a nice long relaxing bath. your not a bad mom for wanting to be alone for while. Its stressful raising a toddler with little help. Even if you know someone around where you live, who has kids try setting up a play date, that may help

    Answer by vgiron at 3:45 AM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • I'd ask someone where your at to watch her. Or how far is your family? Maybe you could fly out and drop her off for a couple days and they could bring her back. Grandparents LOVE time with their gran babies. I have 3 so I know what you mean. But you have to TAKE the time to yourself. Recognize when you need it and then go do something about it. Even if it's hiring a teen to watch your LO for an hour or 2.
    Good Luck!

    Answer by 2murphyboys at 3:56 AM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • We're a continent away. All the grands work, too. It would be hard to arrange that. I feel bad asking someone else to watch her. Like, that's my job, you know? I know that a lot of moms do it... I just can't seem to find a reason to justify it. I mean, I know this is a justification.... I don't know. It just feels wrong to me somehow. I'm going crazy though.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:04 AM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • Ok, if your military, depending on your husbands rank you get a certain amount of hours free daycare, use them! they are a savior to me. I am also very far away from family, try a different country! Make friends with some of the other wives in your community. I dont know which branch your in, but the Army has FRG Family readiness groups. Become a part of them so you'll have some social time with other women. Then after you've made some friends with other moms, you can offer babysitting switch offs. I have a friend here who does this with me. We dont pay eachother, just I watch her kids for a few hours, then she watches mine. I completly understand how you can be resentful because I was also. I also resented my husband because he got to get out of this house and away from our son. But now that Im volunteering in our frg, a place thats ok with our kids coming along, I feel like I have something to do. It helsp me keep my sanity.

    Answer by cassie_kellison at 4:08 AM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • Getting away from your kids actually makes you a better mom. Your stressing, and might be alittle tougher than normal because of all your pent up stress and your baby can feel it. Just take a few hours, get a mani/pedi and when you get home, you'll feel like you've been away from you LO forever and she'll have a big smile and kiss for you when you go pick her up. Sometimes when I take my son to daycare, I just walk across the street to the library and read a magazine for an hour in peace. Its very peaceful and quiet in there.

    Answer by cassie_kellison at 4:13 AM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • We live in another country, too. It's rough on all of us. Plus I get to listen to all the people in my family say things like 'she'll probably be 15 before I see her again'. Which is shit, since they've seen her 3 times for a couple of weeks at a time since she was born. At OUR expense.
    I didn't know about the free daycare thing. How does that work? Do I get it even if my husband isn't deployed?
    I know what you mean about being resentful of him, too. He gets out and talks to people! My hubbys arguement is usually that he doesn't enjoy it, that he doesn't like his co-workers. Doesn't matter. You'd enjoy and like them if you were me!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:25 AM on Aug. 27, 2009

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