Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How am I suppose to act!? Its killing me what she is doing to my sd..

Okay this is for all those wonderful step moms that have been raising their step kids as their own. I have been raising mine for the past 5 years.. I have a 7yr old sd and a 10 yr ss. The "bio Mom" has been a sore in my side for the past 5 years. When will she ever give up the fantasy that Im not going anywhere!? My sd was in tears yesterday she told me she just got back from her mom this past weekend and her mom was telling her to never call me mom , to not mind me be real bad, and don't like me. ITs weird her mom asks her every weekend like how was it at my name..'s house . I mean shouldnt she be asking how is it at your dads house?! or your house!? The problem is the girl is crazy and is always trying to tell me how thank ful she is of me and how wonderful i am to the kids..meanwhile she has been brainwashing just the daughter to hate my guts... do i just continue being nice to here (crazy mom)!? what!!? its not fair

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:36 AM on Aug. 27, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (7)
  • I WOULD TALK TO UR HUSBAND AND HAVE HIM TALK TO HIS X. MAKE IT VERY CLEAR TO HER THAT BAD MOUTHING U TO THE KIDS ONLY HURTS THEM, AND IF THAT DON'T WORK BEAT HER ASS WHEN THE KIDS AINT AROUND. GL
    okc-mom-2

    Answer by okc-mom-2 at 9:44 AM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • IMO, If you and there Dad ever divorce. You will be out of there(the step kids) lives. But the bio mom will always be there a there mom. So I say just deal with her. She is not going to be out of there lives. Just tell the kids you love them and move on. Your DH should be dealing with his EX.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 9:44 AM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • OP... yah well the problem is sd begged me not to breath a word to him. Her mom yells at her so much when she takes up for me.. she is so upset.. because i have had her since she was 2 so in her mind i am her mom.. her mom is the irresponsible party type..and she tells me she wants to call me mom..and she loves me and sees me as mom.. i told dh and u cant deal with this woman she is nuts!!.. i am just wondering should i stop all the the nice stuff with her.. why does she try so hard to make me leieve she likes me..why cant she just be true to herself and hate me to my face she is already doing that to her kids!! so its not like she is being nice to me..to save face for them!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:51 AM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • I would confront her if you can do it when the kids aren't around. In the mean time just reassure your step daughter that you love her very much. If her bio mom loved her she wouldn't be doing this.
    sammiesmom2000

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 9:54 AM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • thanks.. I have tried to confront her in the past and she just hangs up on me or twists everything around and tells me how much she is so thankful for me..and she knows her kids love me and she is so glad that they do... she is only hurting herself in the long run.. this only makes me and my sd bond stronger.. i just hate that she is taking it all out on her. if i confront her she will just get even worse to the sd.... sd tells me she gets so mad her face turns red of she finds out she told me something she said about me!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:00 AM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • OP- It also took us these 5 years to develope such a strong bond.. I dont want to break my trust with sd...she finally trust me enough to tell me whats going on and how it makes her feel
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:01 AM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • Well, the asking how things are at your house...I don't see a problem there. When my kids spend the night at Grandma's, I ask how it was. I want to know what they did while I wasn't around, if they had fun, if they were happy, etc. Maybe that's all she's doing. Not to mention, if my ex had visitations with my kids (I know they live with you, but my ex would never have custody), I'd want to know what went on while they were with him so I'd know if there was anything bad going on. As for the rest, your hubby needs to talk to her and put a stop to it. She should not be putting the kids in the middle of her problems with you. And yes, as hard as it is, you should keep being nice to her. Take the high road, and set the good example for the kids. She's setting the bad example, so you be the good one, and that's hopefully the one they'll follow. Good luck!
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 10:46 AM on Aug. 27, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN