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Calling all SAHMs, do you ever feel insecure about your choice to stay home?

I live next door to a working mother who makes no bones about asking the "don't you ever get bored? and what do you do all day?" questions. Her daughter has been in daycare from day one and is the same age as my son. She is reading and writing really well for her age, my son is just learning these things. My neighbor has made comments on how daycare kids are more advanced and have better manners. Not to mention that she feels that their relationship is "less taken for granted." She makes me feel very insecure about being a full-time stay-at-home mother. Does anyone have any experience with this? How do I combat these feelings of insecurity that may neighbor loves to spark?

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Asked by LaMadreOrganico at 11:53 AM on Aug. 27, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (25)
  • I always say this: I didnt have children for someone else to raise.

    Answer by Melindakc at 11:58 AM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • you tell her to keep her opinions to herself. I am a stay at home mom and my DD will be 5 in december she is in pre-k right now but i taught her how to write and do all those same things a day care teaches I mean I was more worried about her not being very social but I like to drag the roads and go hang out with friends who have kids her age and she is doing just fine. I think women who belittle us for staying at home are just jealous they cant be like us and spend as much time with thier kids as we get to do. My son is 1 month old and i thought about going to work BUT if i went to work who would clean the house who would cook. I rather just do those things then work at a hrly job bc these thing are my job and my job last 24/7

    Answer by ggiovanni at 12:00 PM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • Your neighbor should truly mind her own business. I do have my son in daycare part-time because I work afternoons, but that is only because I have found that I am not cut out to stay at home all day long. I tend to slip into a deep depression when I'm not working, so this is the best for me and my family. I don't like though when people say, "I didn't have kids so someone else can raise them." That tends to be offensive to moms who HAVE to work, whether for financial reasons or in my case, sanity.

    Answer by emnasmom at 12:15 PM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • I do not feel the least bit insecure about my decision to stay home.

    And not all children in daycare have better manners than children with a stay at home parent. I worked in daycare for many years and most of those children had little to no manners whatsoever.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:19 PM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • i agree with anon, i worked at a daycare too & most of those kids are brats....anyways i stay home with my children for now & my dd knows all her colors, most of the alphabet & can count to 20, can count to 10 in spanish & to 5 in japanese (she just turned 3) my son is only 2 weeks old but i'm trying to get a part time job b/c i still want to spend time with my kids but if we want to move into a bigger house, i need a job

    Answer by josiesmommy00 at 12:26 PM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • I don't feel insecure about it. Sometimes I feel guilty about not doing as much as I think I should do as a stay at home mom, but I never feel that my child is being short changed. Now, my daughters both go to part-time pre-school and have since they were two; so I definitely feel that they are getting a lot of the benefits that daycare children would get, plus the benefit of spending more time with me. If they didn't go to pre-school then admittedly I probably would feel a bit insecure about my decision. That is certainly not to say that kids of sahm's who don't go to pre-school don't get plenty of socialization and enriching experiences as well. I just know that I would probably always wonder if there was something they were missing out on.

    Answer by lovemydivas at 12:26 PM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • I agree with emnas mom.. that is offensive to moms who have to work.. you may not have had children for someone else to raise well I didn't have children for someone else to support. I stay home with my children until 3 then my husband comes home and i go to work but i can't stay home i'd lose my mind. so i comend you sahm's who can do it all day and manage to be sane and not depressed.

    Answer by yas_marie_87 at 12:44 PM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • Yas marie 87,

    What do you mean by "I didn't have kids for someone else to support."?

    I'm a SAHM. My husband works to support our family financially and I support the family by cooking, cleaning, doing the banking, shopping, running errands, RAISING our children, teaching them morals, values, manners, etc. I make sure everyone has clean clothes, food to eat, and a clean safe place to live. My job is no less important than my husband's job.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:50 PM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • You could say this....I didn't have children just so I could go to work and pay taxes, for daycare, and clothes for work, get recognition for a job well done, and etc. etc. etc. Either that or tell her mind her own business. I hate it when certain working mothers always got to act like juggling their crazy lives is the better alternative to raising your children and caring for your family. AS IF!

    Answer by Heathercurlz at 12:52 PM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • What i mean is if i didn't work my SO and i couldn't affort to raise our kids and would need some kind of public assistance. My SO and i share the responsibility of raising our kids both financially and RAISING them. I wasn't trying to bash you stay at home moms. it's great that you can sit at home all day with your children. it's just rude when you bash us moms who don't have a choice. don't you think we feel guilty enough for leaving our kids with someone else for part of the day?

    Answer by yas_marie_87 at 1:01 PM on Aug. 27, 2009

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