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Do anyone come across this kind of problem in your relationship?

If you are going with a man for 6 years, everytime when his children comes to visist him for days he puts you in the back burner. He let his children dictate his every move. His usausl schedule with me seems unexisted. It doesnot happened once but many times. Should you be mad or not? He has his will made out all his money and estate goes to his 2 children, nothing for me. When he is sick and needs help to do things, I am in the picture. When there is parties for enjoyments, I am not in the picture. Is this relationship worth of saving or should I ask for some security-like 1/2 of his house when he is alive, antire house when he die? Or just forget it completely?

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chou1autumn

Asked by chou1autumn at 1:00 PM on Aug. 27, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • First off-get MARRIED. So, at least, you can have a voice. Personally, doesn't sound like its worth saving if he doesn't include you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:06 PM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • Honestly I have to say that I admire him for still being there for his children, There are so many men out there who ditch their kids when a new woman and children enter their life. I do think he should include you with his activities with the kids.
    Are you two married? If not then you really have no right to his house or any money he may leave to his children. If you are married, then yes, thats pretty messed up he's not leaving you anything. Is he sick? why are you even worried about his will?
    cassie_kellison

    Answer by cassie_kellison at 1:06 PM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • I am curious to why you are so concerned with his death, is he ill? Getting this mans money when he dies should be the last thing from your mind. His children deserve his money not you, but as far as the house goes if you are living in this house and helping financially with the home then yes you deserve to get the house if he ever passes and he should put that in his will. I just don't believe in taking someone elses money. I will not take my DH money if he were to pass even if he left it to me, I would divide it between HIS children. Our home though is ours not the kids so if he goes it's mine if I go it's his. You really shouldn't be worried about money but being happy. And if he still after 6 years does not include you and puts you on the back burner then why are you even with him. I know it's probably only every other weekend, but I couldn't imagine not being involved with my SC. Our life and routine does not change.
    suzyb1980

    Answer by suzyb1980 at 1:13 PM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • Why is it so wrong that he spends all his time with his kids? my ex husband had to have his kids at his mom's house for weekend visits because I didn't like his lifestyle and didn't care if it meant the woman was left at home. The weekends are about HIM and HIS kids. You get him the rest of the time!! Let him have his time with the kids and quit being sellfish.
    And as far as half the house and money, get married and quit playing house. Don't like it move on.
    wheresthewayout

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 1:22 PM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • When you enter into a relationship with anyone who has children from previous relationships, you sometimes run the risk of being put on the back burner when they arrive because the other parent is either feeling guilty about not being a full-time parent to the children or the other parent does not want you around their children or the children do not like you. Of course there's more issues, but these are the ones that happen the most. Anywho...when you're in this type of relationship, you have to weigh what matters the most to you...would you like to be involved with him and the children while they are there? If yes, then talk with him regarding this and let him know how you feel. Communication is key in any relationship. Secondly, and most importantly, you are not his wife, why would he leave his house to you? If you're helping to pay the mortgage and other household expenses, then its probably time you begin to re-evaluate..
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 1:29 PM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • I think he needs to be spending that time with his kids. If he makes you a priority over the kids, that sends a terrible message. Now, if you want to be involved with his children, then express that to him. If you can't handle that, then you need someone that doesn't have children. As for the rest of it, his children are his heirs. They should get his things in my opinion. If you are only important to him when he needs you, then you need to leave. But if your only issues with him are things like him spending time with his children and him naming his children in his will, then try and work through your problems with him. From what you presented here, you are simply being selfish. Hopefully that isn't the case and you two can make something work.
    Mom1Stepmom1

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 1:43 PM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • um....yeah, your not getting anything when he dies unless you get married.Obviously his kids come first, you should not feel threatened by that.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 1:58 PM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • I have a relative who was in the same situation you are describing. It's one thing for him to spend time with his kids but if you've been together for six years then he should care about spending time with you too. Whether the kids are there or not. If you get married is he going to pull that crap then too? Or will you finally matter? I'm sorry to say but it doesn't seem like he cares a lot if he only thinks about you when he gets sick. If he ditches you completely when his children show up or if there is a party to go to, he sounds like a user. This relative of mine finally had enough after about five years and three months after he finally married her, she divorced him. It was her best decision in those entire five years.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:06 PM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • Absolutely not. Even though I was with my ex for 7 years, I would never ask him to give me anything and not his children. I was not his wife, I was not the reason he got up and went to work every day. He made what he did for his own son, and I NEVER would have asked for anything. I'm an adult, and could handle myself and find someone else to marry or cohabitate with. I could move on easier than his son could if he were to die.

    Just the same, if my mom died, I would want my brother, sisters, and myself to get her things. Not her boyfriend. I don't care how long they've been together. It's not his legacy to pass on. It's hers. And we are what the legacy should go to.

    Sorry, if you want more say, get married.
    matobe

    Answer by matobe at 2:13 PM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • can you say golddigger? what makes you think he should pay you to be with him? his children SHOULD get everything bc they are his children. if you want a house, get your own. you could try to con him into marriage to get the house but that's just evil if you ask me. you just want something for being in his life, that's just crazy and self centered. you should do things for the kindness of doing them not for what you can get from them
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:30 PM on Aug. 27, 2009

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