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How can I get over my husband? I am going through a divorce and I need you guys to help me... please!!

I feel like I am at the bottom. I am 28 years old and I feel like my life is over... I've been married for 10 years to a man I thought was my everything. I did everything he wanted me to do. I forgot about my dreams to go to college and married him and had his children. (He is 8 years older than me.) My life was centered around him.
Anyway, my husband has been cheating on me for years now, but I took it because I thought I didn't deserve any better. He would always tell me that I was too ugly to get another man and I was too stupid to live out in the real world. So the other day, he told me that he was done with me and that he found him another woman and he wanted me out of his life. I started shaking and shivering and breaking out in tears. So I called my mother and she forced me to file for a divorce. How can I get over this? Plus he has a baby on the way with this girl! :'(

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:10 PM on Aug. 27, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • One day at a time. Start doing for yourself. Find a way to go back to college, if that is what you want. Take care of your children. You can and will have to do this. I am sorry you are going through a tough time. It's crappy right now, and, it will get better and you do deserve some one better.

    Answer by Safirejewl at 7:16 PM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • I know it might sound crazy but go out and get yourself a great new haircut maybe color it too. Get a new outfit if you can. And just tell yourself everyday I am going to make it I am going to be better off.

    Answer by treynlisa at 7:18 PM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • The only thing that will wipe out what he did to you is to find a real man who knows how to treat a woman. You have allowed him to brain wash you for ten years into thinking you can't live without him.

    Brain wash...that's what he did to you. I mean this literally. Look up brain washing techniques.

    I suggest going to a hypnotist to help undo all the damage.


    Answer by Anonymous at 7:27 PM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • You were injured emotionally by this person. You could really benefit from some counseling to build up your self-esteem again. It is natural to feel very very badly about a broken marriage, after all, it is the death of dreams that you had. Be patient with yourself and feel as sad as you want to. But build up a new set of dreams now on what you want. College? Job training? What do you like to do? He was not what you deserve at all, and since he harmed you emotionally, good riddance. Talk to a lawyer if you hadn't already. It is time for you to bring your shoulders back, your chin up, and be the strong woman that you can be.

    Answer by Bmat at 7:29 PM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • honey, i had the same with my first husband. high school sweetheart. the only way he made himself feel better was to make me feel worse about myself. i know you are scared, lonely, and heartbroken. you need to look in the mirror tell yourself that you are a good person. you are beautiful and to h ^*## with him. take it one day at a time. take caare of yourself do fun things with friends and someday you will find someone that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. no one deserves to be belittle for so many years. there is hope out there. you need to believe in yourself and that is the hardest part.

    Answer by UNLUCKYATLOVE at 7:53 PM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • hugsBeen there done that. I'm sorry you are hurting but I recognize where I and many others including you went wrong. You stopped being yourself. You became an extension of him serving him like we thought they wanted to be served. Nope, they fall for us as strong independent women and when we change they don't like it and go searching for a woman like we used to be when they met us. I'm not bashing, I'm just remembering my x saying "you are not the woman I married." Now take this opportunity to find yourself again and to strive toward your dreams in life. As for his hurtful words about you being too ugly for men to want....mine said the same thing. They do it bc they are jerks and want to keep you down while they soar. Do NOT let them see you suffer. Hold your head up high and be strong even if you have to fake it.


    Answer by admckenzie at 9:48 PM on Aug. 27, 2009


    Answer by Anonymous at 10:52 PM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • I agree with everything said. He convinced you of all that crap to keep you 'controlled' where he wanted you. None of it is true. He doesn't want you to find someone else. He told you what he wanted you to be, not what you are.

    I am worried about you saying "my mom made me file for divorce". You need to think about what you want and stand up for it. Stop allowing other people to make life decisions for you. Don't jump into another relationship right away. Heal. Become the person you are supposed to be first. Mostly don't allow others to MAKE you do anything.

    Answer by Allie428 at 11:08 PM on Aug. 27, 2009

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