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Unwanted company for extended, unkown period of time!...

My MIL is coming to stay/live with us for an unspecified amount of time. Could be weeks could be years. I just do not have a time frame no matter how many times I have asked! She is in a really bad situation, basically she is homeless and broke. She stopped paying her rent and was evicted. She refuses do do anything to help herself out...get a part time job even. She lives on SSI. In my heart I know the right thing to do is to help her in whatever way we can. My head on the other hand knows how she can be. It is all about her no matter what. She will get in my dh's head and he will start calling into work or stop going all together just so all his time will be devoted to her and her problems. This has happened in the past and we just about divorced during the last time. I am seriously worried and a little scared about how this will all play out. Am I overly worried, worrying about something that has not happened yet. What 2 do

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:48 PM on Aug. 27, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • The only thing you really can do is sit down with your DH and let him know how you feel. My husband and I have had a couple of issues with my MIL and money. I feel like I should have a say so b/c it is my money and house as well. At the same time, it is almost impossible for them to deny helping their mother. I couldn't deny my own mother. that's a pretty difficult situation to be in, I think that you not being on board with her moving in is basically making him feel that he has to choose between his wife and his mother. That's where the anger comes in. It isn't fair to you that it causes problems in your marriage. You may have to take one for the team and try your best to deal with it, do it for your husband. Understand that he is probably in a hard place with this as well. Try to be supportive, as hard as it will be. I hope this helped a little.
    Mommy0425

    Answer by Mommy0425 at 10:32 PM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • Further info...I have talked with my dh about this, I seem to get no where. All our conversations turn into arguments and fast. I can not say anything about his mother even though he will readily admit that she is spiteful and mean and negative. In his eyes it is the right thing to do no matter what choices she has made that has put her in the mess she is in. It is his job to take care of her for however long it takes at whatever cost. The cost could be our relationship not just a financial burden on us. We live in different state than she does and she does have other family members near her to help her out but she refuses thier generous offers so they have stopped offering. My head just spins when I think about it and the time is rapidily approaching when he has to fly down to her and drive her back here. This whole thing has made me a nervous wreck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:54 PM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • Talk to your DH about your concerns.That's about all you can do. And hope for the best.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 9:56 PM on Aug. 27, 2009

  • I can understand both yours and your dh's side of this. It is his mother, whatever she has done doesn't matter, she needs him. Then your side and this may seriously interfer in your marriage. Sounds like you two and maybe even his mother need to talk to an impartial third party, counsler, pastor, other family member...whoever. I do think your fears sound justified, and he isn't going to listen to you because it's his mother. I wish I had more advice for you....that's a tough one.
    robinann5

    Answer by robinann5 at 10:02 PM on Aug. 27, 2009

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