Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Help with my mother??

My parents and I have always been close. My mother and I have always talked about EVERYTHING. She is my best friend. My bf and I have been on and off for 8 years. Recently we are back on. My mother does not like him at all. He has hurt me in the past and has made poor decisions. I feel like he has grown up a lot and I really want to make things work. This has caused my mother (and father) to be very upset with me. They even told me that I was to move in with him. I wanted to try moving in with him anyway because I want to see if it will really work when we are out on our own. We signed a lease (1 year) and are moving in together sept 1st. My parents have no faith. I know they are trying to protect me and I am so grateful for that, but it really hurts that they are so angry at me. I love them so much and want to try to get a good relationship back. Any suggestions on how to do so? (please no bashing- I'm so lost)

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:58 PM on Aug. 27, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • continued (Things to add): I love him so much. I know that there are problems, but I also know that if we don't try I will never get over him fully and I will always wonder what could have been. His poor decisions have been revolving money management.

    I just want to be happy. And I can't fully be happy with my parents so upset with me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:02 AM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • It might not hurt to stop and listen to your parents. You dont see it now but they really are trying to look out for you. My parents did the same thing with me and my first husband. I wouldnt listen to them but I did end up having to come live back at home with them when I finally decided I couldnt take anymore. Sometimes your judgement gets clouded by "love" and you cant hear anyone else or see things the way that they do. But they do love you and they will be there for you. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.
    treynlisa

    Answer by treynlisa at 12:07 AM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • Your parents do just care about you, and your bf has hurt their child in the past. It's really hard for a parent to get over that. I'm sure they assume he hasnt' changed. It's really hard for us parents to allow our children to make their own mistakes. We feel we have experienced so much that if we could just tell our children exactly how to do things then they could avoid alot of the same mistakes and pain...unfortunately it doesn't work that way! If you really want to try to make this work with your bf, then you'll just have to do it without the support of your parents...at least at first. If the relationship is going well, after awhile, when your parents see that you are happy and he really has changed, they'll come around.

    One thing I've learned, I'm very close to my mom too, but you can't tell your parents every single thing your bf does to upset you, because when you get over it they are still upset.
    robinann5

    Answer by robinann5 at 12:07 AM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • You need to do what is right for you first and foremost, it is your life! Keep lines of communication open though, if possible!
    truthteller0722

    Answer by truthteller0722 at 12:08 AM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • Hmm...sounds like your stuck between a rock and a hard place. Don't quite know what to tell you. Like you said, your parents love you and are trying to protect you. I remember my mom always telling me that no matter how old I get, I'll always be her daughter. It sounds like you've already made up your mind to live with your bf...just be prepared to deal with the consequences of your actions...good or bad.
    momsc

    Answer by momsc at 12:11 AM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • you can tell them that you need to take this risk so if he improves you can give him that cance to prove it and if not then you know for sure that you're done. Just give them the "im an adult and need to make my own decisions" speech.

    Dom123123

    Answer by Dom123123 at 12:18 AM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • Well all I can say is, men come & go but your parents are your parents forever. Think about it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:21 AM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • Think carefully before you make a commitment to this guy. If there are problems between him and your parents, it can last a lifetime. Although you do have to live your own life, and your parents can't make your decisions for you, you also have to live with the decisions that you make. If you guys have been on again and off again for a long time, there's not much you can do to fix your parents opinion of him....it's based on what they've seen. It will be a long hard road for him to repair it, and he can't make even the slightest mis-step. As another poster said....he hurt their child....that's hard to forgive. He needs to participate with your family....and accept that he created the opinion they have of him, and that it could take him years to win their confidence. If he doesn't participate in the family, and enhance your life, they will dislike him even more, he will be driving a wedge between you in their eyes. Good luck!
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 1:17 AM on Aug. 28, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN