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So, Is there a massive difference between "mom" and "mother"

Continuing from the "why won't adoptees call their first mom, mom?" discussion; How do you go from the common statement "my mother loved me enough to know she couldn't raise me and gave me to people that could, I thank her for that" and "It's the most loving act a mother can do", to "A mom is not an egg donor but the woman that changes diapers and calms night terrors, etc."?

 
onethentwins

Asked by onethentwins at 2:19 AM on Aug. 28, 2009 in Adoption

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Answers (27)
  • OTT-There was only one reference to an "egg donor" in that question and it was written by someone who had been left in a dumpster and lost 2 toes due to infection at 4 days old. I don't believe that the majority of people any longer even use that term.

    As far as the Mother/Mom, you will get as many opinions as there are replies because it's just a personal viewpoint from how we see things. We don't have to agree on a term. That's up to the individuals in the relationship. We raised our niece from 11 years old after her grandmother passed away. Her mother (SIL) had abandoned her at 2 months. She called her g'ma Mom or Grandma depending on her mood. She called me Aunt X until she came to live with us, then she called me Mom or Aunt X depending on her mood. When her mother floated in & out over her life, she called her Mom or her name depending on her mood. So I guess it's up to the person to decide what they will call whom.
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 2:41 PM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • I think "mother" has more of general meaning to it, but "mom" is a more personal term. Like, my birth father is my father. He has never been there for me in almost any way besides the occasional child support check (by his own choice. my mom never kept me from him). But, although i do not call my step-dad "dad" to his face, i refer to him as my dad when talking to friends. He has helped raise me, has supported me, and has helped me in any way he could.
    MommyLee08

    Answer by MommyLee08 at 2:23 AM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • same reason Father is different than Dad. As the poem goes. Any man can be a father but it take s someone special to be a Daddy. My step-dad married my mom when I was 4. I call him Dad and consider him my dad. My bio-father doen't deserve that title. I call him by his first name.
    Lynette

    Answer by Lynette at 2:31 AM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • Just because you can give birth does not make you a mother. A mother takes care of her children.
    SAMNMAYASMOM

    Answer by SAMNMAYASMOM at 4:17 AM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • OP: I read the other post but I dont understand your question.

    Bmoms on here seem to feel the title "mother" is theirs and the title Mom is Amoms. (am I correct in that?)

    Does that mean that they DONT think that the Amom is the mother?

    I think that Mom is a nickname for Mother just like Mommy is an extension or nickname for Mom. Do Aparents get the nicknames and bparents get the titles?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:50 AM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • It seems to be different by each individual person who has been adopted. There seems to be some adoptees here that refer to their birthmothers as "Mom" and others that wouldn't dare. My opinion is that "Mom" is a name that is designated for the woman who raises you; "Mother" is more a more generic form of that (eg Mother Theresa).
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:50 AM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • "Just because you can give birth does not make you a mother. A mother takes care of her children."

    that's actually not true. There is a ton of scientific proof otherwise. When a woman gives birth her brain is rewired, thus making her a mother. Her body leaks nutrition for her child. There is a prover bond between the mother and child that starts at conception. So many scientific journals talk about this.

    Sorry, but birth does make you a mother. Its a biological fact and we as a society would do well not to get away from this fact and recognize it for what it is and to realize how important it is.
    funnygirlecu

    Answer by funnygirlecu at 8:51 AM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • the reason why it is so important is because we have so trivialized this aspect of motherhood. We as a society think its all right for a woman to intentionally get pregnant with her own child and give that child away to a couple. Ignoring the fact the child is bonded to his mother. Ignoring the fact that she was made to be that child's mother.

    We encourage women in crises pregnancy to give their children to someone else like its a puppy instead of helping her to make the best decision.

    We have absolutely no respect in this country for the biological aspect of motherhood.

    And before I get flamed, I'm not saying people who are parenting children they are not biological related to are not parents, but that we need to realize that yes birth does make you a mother.
    funnygirlecu

    Answer by funnygirlecu at 8:58 AM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • Anon :50. No, I don't think that bmoms get the title and amoms get the nickname. Adoptive mothers are mothers and moms.


    I guess I worded the main question wrong. My main question is: "How do we go from here to there?" How do we go from "Being the best mothers we can by giving our children up when we are unable to parent them at that time" to "egg donors who don't deserve the title "Mom"".


    I hear the "you didn't do the night feeds and the school run" but, I wonder how many people reaslise how many of us would give our right arms to be able to do just that?

    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 10:11 AM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • This question, though not intentionally I'm sure, seems very divisive in nature. Let's work toward healing the hurting...not furthering it. Geesh.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:31 AM on Aug. 28, 2009

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