Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

sometimes i worry that my husband is attracted to men...

I had confided in him that JUST ONE TIME, had a one night stand w/ a woman. I was confused at the time, going through a divorce...& for some reason, a man was the last thing on my mind. Anyhow, after i told him this he confided in me, that he has masturbated to gay porn before. Now, at the time i played it cool because i was totally falling for him. But, now that we have been together forever, it makes me wonder. I often find that our computer history has been cleared, & he does not seem as interested in sex w/ me as he used too. So, i get paraniod. MAYBE he is looking at regular porn, but i often wonder if he looks at gay men porn. It just freaks me out. I guess i had my share of experimentation, on a drunken night. But, it just weirds me out knowing that my husband could get an erection from watching gay porn...most men would go limp..i think. Does anyone think this is normal? Would you worry?


Asked by Anonymous at 10:48 AM on Aug. 28, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • It is pobably not the guys that turns him on it is probably more the thrill of watching something he shouldnt. But honestly I wouldnt assume that it makes him gay. I would however put a key logger on the computer since he is deleteing history it shows he has something to hide and not neccesarily gay porn since he admitted that to you before.

    Answer by heather.darin at 11:01 AM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • No, freaking way is it normal. You should find out the truth. If he is Bi, or gay. So you know what you want to do. Leave him or try to fix the marriage.

    Answer by louise2 at 10:59 AM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • i know lots of guys who watch porn and some of it is gay porn but they are not attracted to men. They are attracted to the action they are watching. (receiving oral sex, performing anal sex)

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:00 AM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • I hope that you can talk to him about your feelings, this could be an issue for your health as well as his. I would ask him what he is looking at that he doesn't want to share, and maybe he will come forward with it. If he is bisexual, it doesn't mean he can't be faithful to you, it just means he wants to explore the net so he can have fantasy release, but either way you need to get to the bottom of it. I have several gay men friends who have been married before and have kids. You didn't say how old you were, but usually they married fairly young and then finally had to come out. I hope this works out for you. If he is gay, you can still have your best friend intact, it is something he cannot help and he may be relieved to get it out in the open.

    Answer by kimigogo at 11:04 AM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • That is what i thought admckenzie. I would never leave my love over something like this. I have thought many times "maybe it's just the nature of it that made become erect" and maybe, since it's taboo...there is something exciting about it. I can easily watch two woman go at it & get turned on, so why is it different if he is a guy? I'm not sure....i guess because society has made it seem that way. Funny how woman can be turned on by watching lesbians make love, and they don't have to be gay....but if a man gets a woody from it...he is automatically a gay dude. Strange i guess...i don't really think he is gay...but it certainly does make me wonder if he is curious. I know him like i know myself though, & i HIGHLY doubt that he would actually perform w/a nother guy. So, maybe I'm answering my own! Thanks ladies!


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:07 AM on Aug. 28, 2009


    He is 40 years old, has been in the Navy & had many partners w/ woman (well, not that many considering he married later than most)

    Don't you think he would know for sure by now if he WAS bi sexual? I'm not sure.....

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:09 AM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • He could just be exploring, but I stll would have a conversation over the clearing of the computer, wouldn't it make you and him feel better about what was going on, if he doesn't feel judged by you, what an awesome wife. The thing I would be concerned about is the clearing off of the computer, my husband doesn't do that, and maybe there is something else going on, not porn related at all, but gambling etc.... the only thing I am worried for you about is that, it sounds like you have a good relationship and head on your shoulders, but why the hiding?

    Answer by kimigogo at 11:13 AM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • He could be trying to hide it. the bi or gay side of himself.

    Answer by louise2 at 11:24 AM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • often times from watching porn people develope to liking what they watch. at first they just look for curiousity but they in time develope a sensation to it. it grows on them. they push the envelope and try it or fantasize about it. i can't say if he is bi or not but i can say that he is most likely looking at gay porn still but has he cheated or not i can't say. if he is not cheating and you know it then is it so bad that he may like gay porn. some women like 2 girls but that doesn't mean they will be bi or cheat. often times it's just fantasizing about something that is forbidden or something you'd normally not do in your ife. sometimes too when you act out what you have seen in porn it's a total turn off. if you really want to know if he is just ask him and make it seem like it's not that big of deal with you. it may not be anything more then what you said you felt about women and your own personal experimentation.

    Answer by melody77 at 11:44 AM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • I hate porn.Because it causes problems like yours.I had to set up different passwords for my husand and myself.He used to look at porn when I was pregnant.And it hurt my feelings bad.Don't ask, Don't tell.

    Answer by evelynwest at 1:22 PM on Aug. 28, 2009