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Frustrated and Confused....

Ok so I'm trying to lose a signifigant amount of weight, I've done it before and I can do it again. I'm not obese or anything, but I have put some weight on in the past few years. I will be divorced in October, and while a man is the last thing I want right now, I don't want to be alone the rest of my life of course. Here's my issue, it may seem silly but I really do worry about it. I would like to find someone who likes me how I am right now, not 50 lbs from now. I'm afraid when I do meet someone, if something was to happen that I put weight back on they wouldn't want me. Well, this pretty much eliminates men who know me now, because if someone I already know asks me out AFTER I lose weight, then I don't want to be with them. Am I being irrational about this?

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:07 AM on Aug. 28, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • No you're so right about meeting someone before you lose the weight. I met my Husband and shortly after I lost 40 lbs, he told me to stop losing weight so I did. He wanted a little meat on my bones,lol. So yes there are men out there who will like/love you no matter what weight you are, but the true test is that they except you before the weight loss. Just work on you, take your time, if you happen to lose it before make sure when you do meet someone that you are careful so that they aren't with you just because of what's on the outside. Keep an open mind, and remember be picky, you deserve the best so don't settle!! GL

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 11:13 AM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • yes you are.
    You need to work on your self esteem. Bring out whats inside of you instead of thinking of your weight. That is what makes a person beautiful. You need to lose weight for your health and you need to energy to have fun.

    Answer by gammie at 11:16 AM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • I would focus on putting my life together and not worry about a man. Walk for health, eat healthy and change your lifestyle. Dont worry about dieting, just get used to cooking healthy meals and walking for energy. You never know when a man will come along. You could use your philosiphy on anything. Dont save $ cause you want to meet someone when you are broke...see what I mean lol! Work on becoming who YOU want to be..dont do any of it for a man, rediscover yourself and become who you want to be. When you are happy with yourself a man will be too. (If he is good for u).

    Answer by ria7 at 11:18 AM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • No sweetie, you are not being irrational. Everyone worries about relationships and weight issues. You just need to take a deep breath and take one step at a time. You said a man is the last thing you want now, but you seem concerned about it. Don't worry about men yet. Worry about you. Get yourself on track and make yourself happy in whatever you do. If losing weight is one of your goals...GO FOR IT! When your divorce is final, celebrate with some friends with a dinner or drinks or something. Have a great time with it! Then when you are really ready, start dating, but honestly don't worry about if the guy would want you if you gained weight. It's really not important and if it is to him, he's not worth it anyway. Find a better guy! There are out there.

    Answer by mom2BOYZnDad at 11:23 AM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • Been there, done that. I didn't think anyone would want me at my highest weight but didn't want to lose the weight then have someone I knew ask me out. I would have been so pissed bc it would show they were shallow and the weight was an issue for them. I ran into a former boyfriend while I was still heavy. He wanted to pick up where we left off (when I was 80 lbs lighter!) This was a boost for my ego for sure. We saw each other for a while but it didn't work out long term for us but what it did for me was give me confidence. When that happened more men were attracted to me (with the weight on). I did lose 50 lbs but that was for me, not for anyone else. The lesson I learned is it's not the weight that keeps men at bay, it's our insecurity about our looks. They feel that and it repels them. Find your joy in life & confidence as a person. That will shine through and men will be attracted now & stay when weight is off

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:31 PM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • You need to love you. Once you can look in the mirror and say with confidence, "I am beautiful" then you will be able to find someone who loves you for you. When I met my husband I was a lot thinner, then I had 2 kids and I am not so thin anymore. But what keeps him going is that I am still confident. I don't turn heads the way I used to, but I'm working on it. Confidence is the key to everything. Plus, if he really loves you, then it won't matter if gain weight.

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 2:18 PM on Aug. 28, 2009

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