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About a week ago (I've really been sitting on this) I hosted a playdate for my son and a boy he met in his play camp. When the boy was here, he was rude, disruptive and would not listen. My son can be the same way, but in another persons house he's an exceptionally good listener and will listen to the person who's house it belongs to. This child was nothing like that. Toward the end we were outside and a couple of people who looked Mexican walked by and this kid said, and I kid you not: "I don't like brown people, especially black people. They are really dangerous". This kid is 6 and so is my son, who heard all of that. I could not believe what I had heard. I asked him a few questions about it but he didn't give much info. I didn't say anything to his mom when she picked him up, what could I say? That's probably where he learned it! My son is asking for another date and I really don't want to. Any advice on this? Racism sucks.

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Asked by mehamil1 at 2:39 PM on Aug. 28, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 4 (47 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • At that age, the son is just repeating what he has heard. I wouldn't refuse a playdate based on that info - as long as it was at MY house. I wouldn't want my child to be exposed to that type of opinions or conversation from another adult, and I would talk to other boy if he made that type of comment at my house, tell him that type of talk is not used in our house, we don't judge people by the color of their skin. It would be a great learning experience for the little boy, and reinforce your values in front of your son.

    Answer by missanc at 2:43 PM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • I agree with missanc

    Answer by looovemybabies at 2:47 PM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • I would have mentioned to his mom, not all kids pick it up from thier parents, some actually come up with thier own ideas. Here is why I say this, my now 7 year old, did not like anyone who wasn't white, and he struggled with the fact that all people are different and that it doesn't make any one group bad, I am hispanic/jewish/german, but look more hispanic. My husband is scottish/apache, and I have black/white neices and nephews. So he did not come across his views from us..we are the last to say anything racist. But somehow...somewhere he did come up with those views, we have worked long and hard at fixing it, we also though we were the only ones seeing it, that is until a good friend mentioned it. At 7 he is accepting and open, but where it came more natural with my other kids, he required more instruction. I am not sure we would have addressed it had it not been pointed out to us.

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 2:52 PM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • ^^Agreed.

    Answer by MommyKKay at 2:52 PM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • i'm guessing its from tv

    Answer by staciandababy at 2:52 PM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • I don't think I would refuse the play date because of the remark at the end I think I wouldn't let the boy come over because he was rude and disrespectful to you and your home.

    Racism does suck but you have control over what your son thinks and you can use what he heard from the other boy as a learning experience. Tell him what your morals and beliefs are and what not.


    Answer by Cindy18 at 3:00 PM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • I have decided that I don't want this child at my house. Both because of his rudeness and his entrenched racism. I do not want my own child to learn that. Kids pick up so much from their peers. I know my son will learn about all this at one point or another, especailly since he's going to kindergarten in september, but I will not have my son around people who think that way and teach it to their children. I just will not stand for it.

    Answer by mehamil1 at 4:07 PM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • If I were you I would talk to the parents. Chances are he's heard it somewhere. But he may not have heard it from them. And they may not even know. I went through a stage like that, I went to daycare and beat the hell out of a little black girl. Now, my mother has black friends, it's not something I learned from her. I most likely got it from the TV. So talking to the parents and making your stance very clear should be step number one. The second thing I would do is make it clear that while he is at your home he needs to keep his ideas to himself because that's not how you live! And lastly continue to inforce your beliefs on your own child. Otherwise, there isn't much more you can do. Unfortunately CPS will not remove a child just because the parents are insteeling hate in to them...

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 4:26 PM on Aug. 28, 2009

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