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Why is my baby pushing me away?

I have a 21 months old boy and ever since he was 3 months old he hated to be held. He likes company but no touching. Occasionally he cuddles in the evenings before falling asleep but it has to come from him. If we initiate anything, he pushes us away. Why is he so cold with us?

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cristinaberger

Asked by cristinaberger at 10:54 PM on Aug. 28, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 3 (20 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • There are lots of reasons he could be doing that. Were there any traumas he suffered as a baby? Any bad separations? Is he hitting all his milestones, speach, other social milestones? He could just be a very independant little boy, and that's okay too. Each child is different we have to love and respect them on THEIR terms, and forget our own. Find other ways to bond with him. Maybe playing? Maybe a special activity just for the two of you? I'm sure you'll find a way!
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 10:58 PM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • No traumas (other than the ER episode at 3 months where they took blood and inserted a catheter). Never cried too bad when took him to the nanny at 4 months (just the first day - all day, and for 5 minutes every day the rest of the week). I don't know what the milestones are supposed to be, he's talking, walking, eating with a spoon, smiling all the time, very social, just doesn't like to cuddle. I can touch him but only for practical purposes (to wash him, dress him, change him). We do play together and he loves it, he even wrestles with his Dad.

    The problem is that I come from a touchy-kissy family. We hug everybody. My husband's family is not like that. But I wanted my babies to be warm like I am.
    cristinaberger

    Answer by cristinaberger at 11:07 PM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • My niece is the same way, I just figured it is her personality. She liked to be held as a baby (she is 3 now) but she was never a cuddlier. I know how you feel though, I am such a cuddler I don't know what I would do if my daughter was not.

    lilysmom2607

    Answer by lilysmom2607 at 11:21 PM on Aug. 28, 2009

  • You can't make your TODDLER do something he can't or won't tolerate. Has he been checked for SPD? Does he show other signs (more than just not wanting to be touched/held)?

    Some kids just don't like to be touched and held. You can't MAKE them be like you if it's not in their nature.

    Just because someone doesn't like to be touched, or isn't "touchy-kissy" doesn't mean they aren't warm.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:33 AM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • You can't make your TODDLER do something he can't or won't tolerate. Has he been checked for SPD? Does he show other signs (more than just not wanting to be touched/held)?

    Some kids just don't like to be touched and held. You can't MAKE them be like you if it's not in their nature.

    Just because someone doesn't like to be touched, or isn't "touchy-kissy" doesn't mean they aren't warm.


    Ummmm . . . why the hostility anon? Is it really a problem for you if she calls her one year old a baby?
    BridgetC140

    Answer by BridgetC140 at 11:36 AM on Aug. 29, 2009

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