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My brother is hanging out with my ex/Deadbeat baby's father

I'm 37 weeks pregnant. My ex left me almost 4 months ago. Just stopped coming around, calling, caring...everything. Well. Out of nowhere he called me about 2 weeks ago wanting to meet and talk (about how we are going to handle our "situation") He did say he would be there and take responsibility. When I told him thats all I needed to know he got mad and made me think he wanted to get back together. He called the next day and we talked for an hour. He apologized for everything. Then never called to get together. Well...My brother came over last night and told me he was at his house with a girl* They were always good friends until this happened and all my brother wanted to do was beat his a**. Now he's saying he is trying to get in good with him and keep him close so he can eventually talk to him about the baby and everything. But I honestly think he just likes to party w/ him. What would you do?

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Asked by Maya09 at 7:50 AM on Aug. 29, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (3)
  • (CONT) It really doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would. But it does hurt because we were together for over a year and I still love him very much. He did tell me he was "messing" with some girl (and I "would be doing the same thing if I was not pregnant") and said she is nothing like me, I am his rock and he loves me and things are not as bad as I think. I know now not to let him back into my life except for when it comes to his son. I can't trust him. I have had 4 months to get over him, I haven't but it has got easier. It hurts me more that my brother would welcome that girl in his home, knowing everything he has put me through. I don't know what his intentions are. They were friends for awhile before we started dating. That's how we met. But my brother has been there for me through it all and always HATED him for doing what he did. What do you all think?? I just don't know....

    Answer by Maya09 at 8:00 AM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • I think that you're right, you can't trust this guy to be there for you. Also, and I hope this comes out right, because it's kinda hard to type, but it sounds like your brother is in a very difficult spot. He loves you, and he's there for you. He was also friends with this guy before this, and, presumably, there are still things about him that makes him want to be friends. In a perfect world, this guy wouldn't be a deadbeat, in a next to perfect world, since he was, your brother wouldn't want anything to do with him.

    But it's not even close to perfect. IF your brother is choosing to forgive this guy, then he needs to be willing to accept the guy's new girlfriend. That relationship doesn't have anything to do with you and your brother, please don't give up your close relationship with him (brother) b/c of this - then the deadbeat and his new gf are taking even more from you


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:08 AM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • cont

    I would just tell your brother that it really hurts you that he's friends with him, and accepting him and his gf into his home, but you love him (the brother), and you respect his choice, and you refuse to let it come between the two of you - HOWEVER - you don't want to hear about it. You don't want to hear about the new gf - you don't want to hear about them getting together, etc - and that you hope your brother can love and respect YOU enough to leave them out of your life.

    Also, as far as your brother talking to him about stepping up with the baby, honestly, he might be intending that, but I don't think it's going to do any good. A MAN doesn't need to be talked into taking care of his kids. I think your brother will be more likely to fill the father role than your ex, if that makes sense.

    I hope this makes sense.

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:11 AM on Aug. 29, 2009

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