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upset husband?

3 years ago we had some issues. well i thought we were over it but he just brought it all abck up yesterday cause something made him remember and i guess for him he never felt it was fully resolved and i asked him what he needed to be happy , what did he want..and he said i dont know and looked like he was giong to cry. and he NEVER gets emotional. i couldnt sleep or eat all night, i feel like our incident was so hurtful to him maybe he cant let it go. it was a bad time for both of us...but i got over it and we have been good.he told me he feels like right now a turning point for the relationpship. i dont know if i should just back off and let him think, or really push to talk again. he has not brought it up since last night, hasnt mentioned it at all.but now im walking on egg shells. s hould i just be patient or what. my family is my world,we both made mistakes but they wont happen again,i love him so much and i just CONTINUE

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:23 AM on Aug. 29, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • CONTINUED...
    I LOVE him so much and our past issues are just that to me...past issues. i want him t obe happy but i dont know what i can really do if anything to help him let this go. he told me during that time frame if we didnt have a child he probably would of left. he said our relationship is the best relationship he has ever had and he is comfortable and loves me and thinks we are a much better marriage than some marriages and a good team..........so im like if thats true, why is this being brought back up? i feel like al li can do is sit here and see if he is going to bring it back up or last night was just a fluke.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:26 AM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • It all depends on what the "issues" were. Even though you are over them, it seems he is not. Maybe it just all came rushing back and he will be over it today. But what if he is not. I would suggest seeing a counselor. It will show him you are very serious about resolving these "issues". You never know...... Good Luck! And I hope you all are able to work past this!
    eluc

    Answer by eluc at 9:30 AM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • You comfortably put the issues behind you, but he has never been able to really do that. He needs to seek counseling and get some direction on how to do that. It may or may not involve you. It could be things within himself, that don't allow him to move on.
    EireLass

    Answer by EireLass at 10:02 AM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • Perhaps he should talk with his religious adviser or a counselor. It sound as though he isn't able to move on. I wonder if he is under unusual stress at work or in general that would cause this "straw" to take on extra weight. Maybe you should suggest in a loving way that he talk to someone. Even have a small list of counselors or your religious adviser;s phone number and hours. Something else that occurs to me is your husband should have a medical workup, sometimes hormonal changes or other physical problems increase a person's stress level. When a person has a change of behavior, it is recommended that they go to their medical doctor first and make sure the change isn't due to something physical. Good luck!
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 10:07 AM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • i did suggest a counselor..he is set against it. he said a counselor is for when you have a set issue...he is nto sure what the set issue is. in other words this is not just about me...he has a lot of trust issues with women, a lot of respect issue cause of his past.....he was badly scarred from every woman starting with his mother who abandoned him at 10. he is cut off at times.....and he is military which doesnt help the cut off part.
    he's made great strides witha llof this with me but suddently the old cut off ,i dont trust anyone sceptical self reared its head last night. he's given me kisses today and been normal but he seems distant....its still in his head. that i can see. i think he is trying to decide whether he can really let this go............or he has to let me go. he said he is not sure if he has the emotional strength to let it go because with him, a slap feels like a stab cause of his past .we were both hurt
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:55 AM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • we both did and said things that were not healthy for the marriage. but we were both scarred in the past and had issues to work out. i got mine out...im good. i am completely open to him and non guarded.......something made him put his guard back up, the guard tht has been down for years.
    we just moved to a new duty station and i fear smoeone he met said something...i dont know. it was so random.
    i told him i thought we were over this and good the past few years..and he said well no i was never really over it. 3 years? im scared shitless right now. because i know him....i know if he feels he has to, he can shut me out and if he does that..........we are stationed oversea's now, that would mean he wouldnt see his daughter but once or twice a year cause i cant afford to live here if im not a military wife anymore, and it would destroy me. he's my soulmate. ill be as sweet as i can be,see what happens.ipray he lets this go
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:59 AM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • all you can do is show him you love him and tell him you understand and it is going to take a long time for the hurt to go away. But he will never forget.
    gammie

    Answer by gammie at 11:06 AM on Aug. 29, 2009

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