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Why am I left out of my step-daughters band photo?

My stepdaughter asked my husband to be with her in a photo for band. She said that they would take separate two photos, one with his ex (her mom) and one with my husband. I dont know what the photos are for, possibly a band book. I am hurt because I am left out of the photo. Shouldnt I be part if it since I am part of the family?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:01 AM on Aug. 29, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (18)
  • Maybe this is something she just wants to share with her parents. You won't know for sure why unless you ask her, but honestly, you are her stepmother. There are going to be things she is going to leave you out of. She has a mom and a dad, and there are some things that you only want your mom and dad to be a part of. Yes, it hurts your feelings, and I'm not saying you shouldn't be hurt. But you also should understand that while you consider yourself part of the family (and rightly so) she's still going to think of her family in terms of her mom and dad, even if they aren't together anymore.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 10:06 AM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • Sorry OP, I am sure you are hurt by this, but like previous poster said, sometimes she is just gonna want her mom and dad in the picture. Not sure how long you have been in her life, but I love my step mom just as much as I love my dad, she has been in my life for 30 years, but when I was younger she was not my mother and I wanted her to pay, so I made her life hell when I could but that was just being young and stupid. Ay your step childs age I dont think she was doing it to be mean, she just wanted a picture of herself and her parents.

    Answer by midnightmoma at 10:19 AM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • kids are wierd these days,my stepson wanted me and hubby and baby to just take a pic of us without him,but we put him in it.i would be hurt but there is nothing you can do about it.

    Answer by angelairelan at 10:30 AM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • She wants her parents in the photo you are not her parent. Just because her mom and dad made a choice to divorce and her dad made a choice to marry you does not mean she liked any of those choices and has to be OK with them. This is not about you but about her.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:37 AM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • me me me and people wonder how stepmoms get to be hated
    It is not about you !

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:35 AM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • The more understanding you are about things like this, the more likely you will be to have a better relationship with her in the long run. It is not a big you said, you don't even know what the pictures are for....Don't worry about it.

    Answer by BJoan at 12:09 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • im intrigued by this post. i have a band student and my ds has a new stepmom. i cant see him asking her to be in a photo with him. yet i guess it just depends on the relationship between stepparent and stepchild...
    you did make me think. thanks for that.
    did you inquire of the child about this? just wondering.

    Answer by RoseWall at 2:16 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • Cause in her mind, you are not her parent. You are her dads woman. My nieces treated my new SIL the same way.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:14 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • how long have you been in your sd's life? it sounds like you must be close otherwise it wouldnt bother you. have you been her main "mother" figure all this time? if so i can understand how that would hurt. im a step mom also, maybe you should find a step mom group. there's at least one good one on here. dont listen to certain people around here who want to be nasty but dont have the guts to just say it instead of hiding behind an anon shield.

    Answer by sunfreezeinmi at 3:39 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • I cannot believe how arogant 1037 & 1135 anon. are.

    A stepparent IS a parent! they provide, support and love their stepkids just like their own. how ignorant you are!

    OP- I would be hurt too. Pick your battles, dont worry about being in a pic atleast you are in her life!:) when she gets older, she will begin to understand and she just might be in the same situation that you are.

    good luck momma:)


    Answer by Anonymous at 3:47 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

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