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Birth Mothers

Do you think abortion is preferable over adoption. I ask because I have ran into birthmothers who have claimed they would abort if they could go back. How do you feel? Are you fine with not aborting or would you go back?


Asked by Anonymous at 12:55 PM on Aug. 29, 2009 in Adoption

This question is closed.
Answers (26)
  • Hmmm... well... When I got pregnant I had always been a very active pro lifer (hold the fetus signs type). And all of a sudden my concept of pretty much everything changed. Abortion became an option for me. It did not end up being my option, but it did become an option.
    I would never say I wish I had an abortion. I have an amazing almost 9 year old birthson. I can't imagine him not being here. But... at the same time, sometimes I wonder if it would have been easier. The pain I felt when I relinquished was horrible. But the pain has subsided (for the most part)... and I can't imagine our lives being any different.
    What Port Angels says is so true for many women. It wasn't a choice between adoption or abortion. It was a choice between continuing with the pregnancy or not. Then a choice between keeping or placing. cont:

    Answer by VanessaV at 5:47 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • No I do not think that...UGH anyone that Aborts a a Murderer!!! Sorry that is just plain and simple! Some may think its ok..but you are killing a HUMAN BEING!!!! So I am all for any mother that wants to give the baby up for Adoption...CAuse there are plenty of people out there that want kids and cant have them..

    Answer by bonham at 1:39 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • Note to self: "This is going to be one of those questions where if I am not a birth mother, then the question is not directed at me. Since I am NOT someone who relinquished a child or thought of abortion, I should hang back and LEARN something."

    I am going to read the question again.....hmmm, it doesn't ask if abortion is right or wrong, just if I considered it, relinquished, and wished I had aborted. And I didn't do any of that, so I am moving on.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:16 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • No comment on what is preferable it is each woman's personal choice.I chose not to abort even though it meant loosing my child a different way.Though adoption was not a good choice for me I would not change my adopt vs.abort decision.Though except for a brief second at the start of the preg. it wasn't a part of my process.I am pro-choice it is each woman's personal decision.


    Answer by Anonymous at 3:58 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • No, I do not feel that abortion is preferable to adoption. No, I don't wish I'd aborted my beloved son. I do think that parenting is better than adoption or abortion and I think many birth mothers wished that they had parented. I've never met a mother that wishes she'd aborted rather than relinquished, not saying they don't exist just that I've never met one, but I have met some that have done both and say the pain of and regret of relinquishing is worse. Obviously that wouldn't be true for the adoptee who would be dead. I think many of us get tired of adoption being presented as the alternative to abortion, and think that the alternative should be parenting and family preservation.


    Answer by onethentwins at 3:58 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • So well said onethentwins.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:05 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • For many of us birth moms.......we are so TIRED of this constant corrolation of adoption and abortion! Yes, many of us made our decisions in an era when abortion would have been an option - but that doesn't mean that ALL of us considered it an option, or even would have chosen it. I agree with what OTT posted above as well. I HAVE heard birth moms who have experienced both the loss of a child through abortion and adoption claim that for them the grief from adoption what much harder to bear.

    This also seeps over on adoptees. It is horrible to be told over and over again "aren't you grateful that your birth mom didn't abort you?" What human being wants to be constantly reminded that they "might not have been"? Would you laud all mothers for "not considering abortion"? It IS available for all women, why is it in adoption that it is so highly magnified? Would you tell all children to be thankful they weren't aborted?

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 5:18 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • Why the hostility? It was a simple question. I am not asking about what you think women should do, I am asking how YOU feel. This may come as a shock, but you do not speak for all birth mothers.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:31 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • Onethentwins, I've met plent of women who wished they have aborted.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:33 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • Anon 2:31 - sorry I re-read and yup it sure could be read as hostility - didn't mean hostility to come through but instead just frustration at the combining of adoption and abortion.

    And I wasn't answering for all birth moms (never would do so) in fact my answer doesn't claim to do so. I answered for myself and said that I knew there were others that felt as I do.

    I also added (and perhaps shouldn't of as the question wasn't posed to adoptees) what this has caused for me and many other adoptees throughout our lives - again not speaking for ALL adoptees but for myself and others that I know.

    So....I'm sorry if sharing my personal response came across as hostile. But I do think it's okay to answer the question and show a little of the feelings that it happens to bring up in me. I didn't attack the OP or others that may feel differently than I. I also didn't say what choice women should make (adoption or abortion).

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 5:39 PM on Aug. 29, 2009