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Is there truth in what he says or is he just trying to make me think I am crazy and its all my parents fault?

My bf said that the reason I am so worried about what I look like and what other people think about me is because of my mom. He said when I was younger my mom would have to have everything perfect from clothes to hair on me before we would go anywhere. I have told him that this is not true and he gets all mad. I also am very insecure, self-concious and I get anxiety a lot. He told me that I need to go to a phychatrist and figure out what happened with my parents and in my childhood in order to come to terms and realize why I am the way that I am.

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:06 PM on Aug. 29, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • Well what do you think his intentions are? What I mean is, is he suggesting this becuase he genuinly cares about your mental health or is he suggesting this to deflect his responsibility in a particuar situation?
    Does what he says regarding your parents have any truth to it? Of course we are all influenced by our parents. It isn't always bad intentions from our parents but mistakes that humans make sometimes. I think if you feel like talking to a professional will help you better your life, go for it. Perhaps seeing someone will help put things in perspective, who knows maybe you'll figure out that he is one pushing you into unhealthy anxieties?!?!

    Answer by Tawanda74 at 3:25 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • Personally I don't think it all matters what happened even if it did. Life is about now. You can blame your parents for all your problems, that's something many people do but even if they did you can't undo what they did back then. You can; however, choose to change how you feel about yourself now. Most people are confident in something about themselves. Figure it out and focus on that the build from there. You can't be too bad or you wouldn't have a bf, so you must be likeable. You probably have skills as well, maybe you are creative, maybe you have a great sense of humor, maybe you are organized. List all your good characteristics and then list things you'd like to do well and work on those. You don't need therapy. You need confidence and you can do that yourself. Just look in the mirror each day and tell yourself that you rock! Remember that life is good bc you are in it. FInd your joy in life, it's within yourself.

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:42 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • yes your mothers need to be the perfect mother is implanted in your mind. you are still afraid of not meeting her high standards. you need to learn to think for yourself and to see how much your mother influences your self-doubt and feelings of not being good enough


    Answer by mamak57 at 3:52 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • i read a good book when i was 25 that was called "making peace with your parents" it shows how to deal with the issues that still haunt adults long after they are out of the parent's control

    Answer by mamak57 at 3:53 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • It's not only your mom's fault. She may have part of it, but society today makes people feel like they don't look good enough and tries to get them insecure enough that they want to look better. I don't know how your bf feels about looks, but if he doesn't care about looks as much as society cares about them, then he could possibly feel insecure that there is someone that does care about them. It is easy to put the blame on one person when in all reality it is not that person's fault.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:14 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • Even if you can't blame these problems on your parents it sounds like you could use a little counceling and possibly some anti-anxiety meds.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:21 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

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