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How can the system do this?

I do foster/adopt through the state. I was fostering a child that was brought to me at 6 months old. She came to me naked and dirty because she had basically been left in a crib. Never held. Never really taken care of. Not to mention she was very malnourished. I had her for 2 years. I thought I would end up adopting her. The judge ruled that she go back to her bio parents. They ordered it on the spot! No chance to say goodbye. Just snatched her from me and handed her over! Turns out she went back to what she came from and worse. Her mom, who was the one who originally did not care for her moved her boyfriend in. I found out a few days ago her mom and boyfriend killed her violently. It also turns out the state was supposed to be monitoring the family but they had not been visited since the judge said to return her. That was 6 months ago. Needless to say I am done with foster/adopt through the state.

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:56 PM on Aug. 29, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (13)
  • Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry for your loss. =(

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:00 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • That is truly terrible and appalling! I am so sorry... :(


    Answer by AdensMommy1107 at 7:12 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • Yup - one of the reasons that my husband and I left working for the child welfare system after working there for 10 years. I don't know the specifics of your case but do of others that would have appeared the same way to the foster/adopt home the child was removed from. In one case, it was the Judge (not the child welfare system) that went against the recommendations of the system and returned a child home. That child too was horribly hurt and will never be the same. It devastated both the foster/adopt parents AND the child welfare workers (I knew the caseworker personally).

    Sometimes systems (even if they are full of many wonderful caring workers & caregivers) don't have the ability to protect the children in their care either.

    I'm so sorry for your sorry for your dreams for this child.

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 7:18 PM on Aug. 29, 2009


    I wish there were some way to hold the judges accountable, who make these types of decisions, ESPECIALLY with NO transition, for the harm that comes to the child they returned. It's unbelievable to me that this can happen, yet I know that it is NOT an isolated, (although maybe rare) occurrence. Also, WHYYYYYY did CPS not monitor, especially since the judge made a horrendous ruling? Whatever state you are in, I would write my congressmen and Attorney General and ask them to make a law prohibiting this from happening ever again. If judges were liable for the lives they hold in their hands, maybe they would be more protective, especially of the babies. I am horribly (outraged and) sorry for your loss.


    Answer by doodlebopfan at 7:44 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • Horrible,horrible the judges need to let the system and the people that are in the trenches do their jobs.So sorry for your heartbreaking loss.We have a case here where a 4 yr,old had std lesions in her mouth and on her labia and anus, she was not removed due to a court decision.A week later she was beat to death.The people in the trenches know their business.


    Answer by Anonymous at 10:17 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • I am so extremely sorry. Sorry for you and everyone who cared for this child and sorry for this child and everything that she could have become. How horribly, horribly heartbreaking.

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 1:20 AM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • I am so sorry. Sadly this happens. I want to foster but emotionally I am unsure if I could. It is stories like yours and many others that have stopped me. The system that is supposed to protect children, sometimes fails them. Where is the best interest of the child? Being with a permanent loving, stable family for 2 years is significant time for bonding-yet this child was ripped away. I believe stronger laws are desperately needed- there should be a limited amount of time and the parental rights should be terminated. Loving a child for 2 years speaks volumns-

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:21 AM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • I am so sorry for your loss. Coming from a large family with multiple foster siblings myself, I can not imagine what you are going through. I know that this is hard, but it the fault of one ignorant judge, not the entire system. Is there any way you could get an investigation opened on him?

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:37 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • This happened to someone else we know. It was hard to watch. I would not want to be that judge. I mean as a human beingTthe judge),they didn't want that to happen to the child but they have to stay within the laws,but how unbelievably unfair to the innocent who have no say.I'm sure that judge is struggling with all of his being right now. I'm sure your heart is broken,I'm so sorry.

    Answer by Steff107 at 9:27 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • What a horrible, horrible story to hear. But it's stories like the one you shared that actually KEEP me as a foster/adopt parent. It's people like you and me, and the many other foster parents out there who care about these children who make the difference. It's the caseworkers whose hearts just ache when tragedies like this happen, make the difference. Don't give up on the system - try and change it. Those kids need people like you to be their advocate. Don't give up on them either.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:46 AM on Aug. 31, 2009

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