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How do you know when you are ready for kid #2??

Our DS is 3 1/2. DH & DS are ready-ish...I never was sure about having my DS in the first place so how do I know if i am ready to tackle that job again? Is it easier or harder on relationships??

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jdeeregirl1

Asked by jdeeregirl1 at 8:46 PM on Aug. 29, 2009 in Trying to Conceive

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Answers (12)
  • Each child adds stress to the relationship. Open up your son's baby photo album and look through it. Think of all the cute little baby moments and milestones and how good it felt to hold a baby. Also try to remember how hard it was then and how things have gotten easier on you since he's more independent now. When you have another it's no longer jump in the car and go. You are back to packing bags and planning to go everywhere.

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 8:49 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • DH and I knew right off in our relationship we wanted our kids close in age. He and I were both 8 when our Mothers had more kids. He was mean to his siblings and he regrets it now. I just never got my sister.. I was too old to get used to it right away but young enough to be jealous and dislike her. In both of our situations our stepdads were mean to us after they had their own kids. So we want to have them close together so they always have each other and dont get jealous. We want ours about a year or 2 part.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:53 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • I'm not sure there's a good way to answer that. How did you know you were ready for your first? If you have a concrete answer for that, then it will probably be about the same for your second, with maybe a few adjustments for already having a kid.

    For me...I knew I was ready because I wanted another one. I don't know of any other explanation for it. And I'm kind-of glad it happened when it did because if we'd waited, we'd probably still be waiting, and I'm not sure we ever would have been ready again, what with having to start over with diapers and babyhood and everything (though some people prefer it that way).

    So I don't know. I guess you're just ready when you're ready, as vague as that sounds.
    DragonRiderMD

    Answer by DragonRiderMD at 9:05 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • I'm kinda in the same boat. For me, wondering if I was ready was actually the first step in getting ready. You're thinking about it and now that you know the realities of having a kid, I'm not sure anyone can blindly be 100% about a second if they're being honest with themselves. I posted something like this a few weeks ago and I'm warming up to the idea. For the time, I've resigned myself to admitting I'm just not there yet. I think when you want one, you more clearly know or at least have the desire. There's nothing wrong with having one, either. You may also want to remember that your LO will be ready for a preschool program by the time your second would be born, so there would be some less stress.
    mrs_pulley

    Answer by mrs_pulley at 11:46 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • sit down with your husband and make a plan. both give ideas about how far apart you want them and then take if from there. some people want theirs 4+ years apart so they won't be in college at the same time. some prefer closer so they can grow up together. I feel ya, i'm 9 years older than my only sibling and we have absolutely nothing in common. shes still a teenager and i'm a mom of 3. personally i had my 1st when i was a teen so that alone kept me from having another. i mean, i wouldn't dare having another soon after having one when i was 16. now that i'm older, i've had 2 three years apart and thats great. they are interacting and i love 2 watch them play together. but i also have an almost 10 yr old. she's not feelign disliked by her stepdad, he actually is nicer to her since babies came cuz she helps out ALOT. In the end your and him will be responsible for them if you decide to have them, hoped that helped
    keisha613

    Answer by keisha613 at 8:07 AM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • There's not a one-size-fits-all answer regarding readiness for a second baby. You need to figure out what is important to you. If you see little babies, does your heart melt a little and your biological clock start ticking or are you glad you're out of that stage and onto having a big kid? Did you always want more than one? If so, does your mental image of your family have kids that play together or an older child who might be able to help out more? I knew I wanted my kids close together, they are 2 years apart. It was the right decision for me and I knew I was ready for another, or as ready as anyone can be. A friend of mine was wondering if she was ready for another baby, but when she thought about it she didn't have a strong desire for caring for an infant yet, and would rather work from home for a while. It just depends on you and how you feel about everything!
    jenrose82

    Answer by jenrose82 at 9:02 AM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • I liked mine being close together maybe let your body judge when you feel your energy comming back you have a ten minute period in a day when you get relax try to picture yourself with two if the picture looks right then your ready we have four so two was easy three in carseats was hard we had to get bigger car God bless it is an important decision hope it goes well
    goatmom4

    Answer by goatmom4 at 9:42 AM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • I was ready when my son was only a year old! My DH was not though, so I waited and waited and finally another year later and he was ready. We got pregnant almost exactly on my son's second birthday (actually the OB said his birthday was my day of conception, but I know better because I was so busy that day with party festivities and there was no hanky panky going on) so my kids are 2 years and 9 months a part. It was a big change and a big adjustment and, in my opinion, much different than one child, but it has been wonderful. The first two months were pretty tough on my DS, who was used to being the one and only, but he never took it out on his sister. He loves her to pieces. He just took it out on me and his father. Since then he has gotten used to the idea though and things have been great. I just decided I wanted another baby one day and that was when I was ready...I'm not sure what made me feel that way.
    MommyToSmeech

    Answer by MommyToSmeech at 10:17 AM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • I think each person is different about if they are ready or not. I have a 13 month old and have been ready for another one for months now. I also know people w/5, 6 year old that aren't ready for another one yet. But, honestly I think you should try when BOTH you and your DH are ready and when y'all are financially ready. The finance part is the only thing keeping us from having a 2nd one right now.
    ABPeterson

    Answer by ABPeterson at 10:20 AM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • I don't think anybody is just 100 percent ready for another child, especially since you already know what a new baby entails. We weren't ready for our first, mostly because we would have liked to enjoy our married life together a little bit, but now that we've got him I couldn't imagine any good reason for waiting on the rest of our family. So despite some trepidation on my part (and alot on my husbands) we got pregnant with our second. And this may sound silly but when I read that pregnancy test THAT is when I knew I was completely ready because I found myself wishing for a positive and then when it was I went running around my house screaming like a kid in a candy store. I've been smiling ever since. My husband straight out told me that now that I am pregnant he is ecstatic but whenever I ask him if he thinks it's a good idea to have another it scares the piss out of him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:49 AM on Aug. 30, 2009

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