I recently asked a question about a grudge being held against me. The answers I received got me thinking. Am I bothered more about being avoided by my sister-in-law or am I feeling out of control? The advice I've already received was to leave her (my SIL) be, as if I was harassing her. The fact of the matter is, me and my SIL haven't been in eachother's presence in over a year and we haven't
communicated in 7 months. I wish this didn't bother me...but it does. I want to be rid of this distance, I want to be rid of this game. Now that all my attempts to openly discuss our misunderstandings have been rejected, if I invite her, she says no. If I am going, she does not. If she can avoid me, she will. Her control of this grudge disturbs me. It makes me just want to scream--get over it! But instead, I 'm just filled with anxiety about this quarrel that just won't go away. Any advice?
Asked by Anonymous at 9:24 PM on Aug. 29, 2009 in Relationships
Answer by lawmom623 at 11:13 PM on Aug. 29, 2009
boy Have I been there! the problem is she doesn't care enough about you or the situation and you care to much! This is what I did. I just stopped trying. I let her be and after awhile she started to come around, but I have to say that the crap she put me through, caused to much damage and I didn't and still don't want much to do with her. I think know she realizes that and is sorry for it, but like i said before. Just stop asking to do things and stop wanted to talk about whatever happened. More or less, just move on with your life.
Answer by soonmommyof3 at 9:32 PM on Aug. 29, 2009
I didn't read your first post. are you upset that your sil has moved on and she isn't paying you any attention.Or,do you want her to pay you attention,if,that's what you want,you need to go to her and say,I'M SORRY, sometimes we have to apologize,even when we know in our hearts we have done nothing wrong,I have learned,sometimes when another person is hurting because of us,you just have to say, I don't know what I did to hurt you,but,it's hurting me,so please accept my apology,if, she accept you both will be happy,if,she don't accept your apology,you will feel so much better,because at least you tried,and you can truly move on. Asking for forgiveness is very hard,but accepting forgiveness is even harder.
Answer by lady-t3984 at 9:46 PM on Aug. 29, 2009
Answer by Anonymous at 9:52 PM on Aug. 29, 2009
I think you should just leave your SIL alone if you did all you can. If she doesn't want to be bothered and doesn't like you for whatever reason that is her right. Not everyone will like you and you just have to come to terms with that. Others should be allowed to live their life around whoever they please. Have you really even tried to in a nice way let her know you want to be closer? Or was it a what is your problem with me? Because me and my SIL don't talk and I can only guess why at best. She hasn't reached out nor have I, so I just leave her alone and she leaves me alone. The person who cares the most has to do the reaching. But if the person who cares most just complains and tries to demonize the other by playing the innocent victim, it solves nothing and only makes the problem worst.
Answer by SylviaNCali at 10:02 PM on Aug. 29, 2009
Answer by Anonymous at 10:42 PM on Aug. 29, 2009
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