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Buying supplies vs getting child support money

So my baby's father wants to set up an agreement where he just buys the things I need (diapers) rather than give me a set amount of money each week. He works under the table so I cant really get anything court ordered until he has an actual documented job (I have tried). It kinda seems like I get the bad end of the deal here because what about when my son has to go to daycare and I need to pay for the tuition of daycare? Do you think its okay for him to just buy the things I'll need for my son or should I tell him he must give me a set amount of money, some of which I will use to buy supplies, some of which I will save, and some of which I will use for any other loose ends if I need to?


Asked by Anonymous at 10:27 PM on Aug. 29, 2009 in Money & Work

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • No, it's not right for him to buy "supplies" - I wouldn't get into any deal like that. My ex wanted to do that with his 1st wife because he said he wasn't sure she would actually spend it on the child. The truth of it is that he just wanted control. He's doing the same thing with me now. If I need to, then the child support money he gives me can go to pay my electric bill, or keep a roof over the kids heads - it doesn't have to directly go to material things for the child.
    I guess you need to get what you can take from him - if it's "supplies" or nothing, then at least get a receipt so you can keep a total of how much support he's giving you. If he will give you money, take that, but still keep copies of everything he gives you for when you do finally get a court order.

    Answer by missanc at 10:35 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • No i don't think its right; he should have to pay child support. the court should be able to order it still and order him to get a legal job. But even if that did happen it doesn't mean any thing would change, hope it does though! Good luck!

    Answer by heartfrommyson at 10:32 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • If he is not able to pay a set amount, why would you expect him to? Let him buy the things your child needs, for NOW. When he gets a regular job, then talk to him about paying child support. Don't set the guy up for failure (eg-going to court for him to pay child support that he can't afford...then he goes into arrears because of missed payments, etc). It's not worth it, and it will only cause friction. Give him a list each month of the things your child needs. That's what I do with my baby's father (not working right now, receiving ssi). He's pretty good about it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:33 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • When you do get a court order, it should be retroactive back to when you split, so you WILL be getting support for this time, just not right now.

    Answer by missanc at 10:35 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • I agree with previous anon (10:33 PM). When it comes time to pay for daycare, insist that he give you some each month to pay for that, though, to be fair, if you don't have to pay for anything for the child, you should be able to afford a reasonable amount for daycare.

    Answer by BisketLiss at 10:37 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • I wouldn't sign anything, but let him do it for now. Just an FYI, you can get him court ordered to pay 50% of all out of pocket daycare expenses through the court outside of child support. DH does this with his son.

    Answer by Jafra_mommy at 10:37 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • id tell him that he needs to give u a set amount in cash but if still wants to help with supplies just to be nice for his own son that would be great

    Answer by peytonJJ27 at 10:39 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • Anon: he works under the table but he still gets a set paycheck every two weeks though its not documented. I know and he knows how much he will be getting, but its not on any files or in any system. Its not that he cant, its that he doesnt want to. And missanc, thats exactly what I mean by any loose ends...if I need to pay rent to keep a roof over OUR CHILD's head then I will use some of the cs money for that. Thats not considered wrong is it? my son will still benefit from it. --OP.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:41 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • OP again---well baby's father and I have talked it out and we have made an agreement that he will pay. Hopefully he sticks with it. ::sigh:: I will keep a record of when he pays and how much and once he gets a real job I will do it legally to avoid any confusion. Thanks for all the comments.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:54 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • No, it's not wrong to use child support money to pay rent/mortgage. You can use the child support for anything for the "support of the child" - so it can go to rent, electric, food, etc. When I went to court I didn't even have to show proof of what I spent on the children, which surprised me - I had all my receipts from the previous 3 months for clothing, entertainment, food, gifts, etc. The judge said the amounts I had listed were all very much within reason and using that and the standard child support guidelines mandated a set amount of support.
    I'm glad you were able to work things out amicably - good luck!

    Answer by missanc at 11:00 PM on Aug. 29, 2009