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What are good ways to cope?

i'm recently married to a man with two sons, my stepsons are great, exhausting, but great. . i moved to New Hampshire from Canada, i don't know anyone around here, so i spend all day with the kids while my husband is at work. By the time he gets home, i'm in need of someone to talk to, someone to connect with, but he rather read books, relax play video games. I understand that he's tired, but i cant help to get a bit annoyed. When i bring this up, he just kinda sits there asks me what i want of him, and i tell him, i need someone to talk to, have fun with. Then i'm just so upset by the time he feels like co-operating that i'm not in the mood to interact with him anymore, i feel tired, and to be honest lonely, he knows, i've told him, he'll change for one or two days then change back. Other than all that, he's absolutely great, when i finally get attention from him. I'm overwhelmed, what are ways of getting my frustration out?

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:32 PM on Aug. 29, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • meet more people like u on here thats what im doing...we sort of have the same situation i moved away from home and my husband talks to me most of the time but its better to find people in or whove been n the same situation

    Answer by SIMPLYDABEZT at 10:44 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • You could look into a mom's group in or near your town that you can join and participate in during the day. Those are great because you can include the children and you get the chance to meet other moms and hopefully make some friends so you get some of that adult conversation and interaction during the day. As far as your hubby...maybe ask him if you two can set something up where he has so much time after work to do his video gaming or reading and after that amount of time he's all yours? Suggest that and see if he agrees to give it a try. My hubby likes to unwind a bit after work too and after he's had some time to himself he lets me talk his ear off and we do things together, but he needs that time for himself otherwise his mind is not totally on me or what we are talking about or doing.

    Answer by whittear at 10:44 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • Hey Im from NH if you ever want to chat PM me! any who... Being in a new place and when the hubby doesn't c operate does get stressful!. If talking to him doesn't help, maybe try calling your friends and venting,throw on some headphones and listen to your favorite songs just zone out a little.exercise always helps me out and relieves stress even if its just by going for a walk, and if there is anyway maybe seeing your friends or family a little more would most likely do the trick.

    Answer by NicsMommy29 at 10:46 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • How old are your stepsons? Depending on their ages, what you can do will vary greatly! I would suggest getting out of the house more. If the kids are young, think library storytimes, MOPS group, playgrounds, etc. If they are a little older, find a discount movie theater, museums, the mall for window shopping, etc. Can you take a class at night one or two nights/week - aerobics, cooking, something at the local community college, just to get to know some people and make friends.
    Continue trying to talk to your husband, possibly get some counseling, but if you are able to make some friends to connect with maybe he will see that you don't NEED him and start paying more attention to you.

    Answer by missanc at 10:47 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • you need to find more people to connect with so all your socializing isn't wrapped up in him. check out I started my moms group there and there are tons of chapters all over the US. DH still needs to make time for you, though. I would just say that flatly to him, too. Ask him to pick a day of the week and make that your reconnect night, even if you just hang out at home. You two will know what solutions will work best for you but he needs to be willing to spend time with you or you aren't really in a marriage. hope he comes around and you find an outlet!

    Answer by mrs_pulley at 11:09 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • If you don't have any children of your own you need to remind him that although you love his children, and enjoy being with them, that you're used to having a life outside the home, you're used to having adults to talk to and you understand he's tired, but you need adult interaction.
    You know it's bad when you find yourself singing one of those stupid Barney songs (and doing the hand motions) while walking down the aisle of walmart and your children aren't even with you that trip (yea I have caught myself doing it because I was seldom without the kids).
    Find some friends to have play dates with, join a book club (online or otherwise), go to the park... do things that will help you interact with other people. Have the meal ready when he gets home if possible so he'll have time to eat, relax, and maybe he'll feel up to sitting and spending some time with you :)

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 12:32 AM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • Try to find something for you to look forward to.....a book club, a class....something just for you that doesn't involve the kids or your husband. He can't fulfill all of your needs and you do need to expand your horizons in your new area. Also do make plans for just the two of you.....and some things to do as a family as well. It is all about balance and this is pretty new for you. You have been through a lot of changes.....and you are still adjusting. You moved to a new area and now you are home with his two sons and then he wants to come home and read or play video games...? Maybe counseling for the two of you together would help because he is not being very sensitive to your needs! You are not wrong for expecting more from him. Like I said, this is all about balance and you need to take care of yourself a little more but also he needs to pick up the slack!

    Answer by BJoan at 10:36 AM on Aug. 30, 2009

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