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what do you do when..?

What do you do when you are almost 19 and your mom can't let go? My mom insists on having control over my life...she cries and yells because she "doesn't have control over anything." It hurts me to see her hurting but she has got to stop.

She blames herself for every "mistake" that I make. She blames herself because I got pregnant at 18. Now she won't let me make my own decisions without threatening to disown me and kick me out if I make the one she doesn't agree with. I don't want to disappoint her but this decision I'm trying to make is a HUGE one and while the choice I'm leaning to is not necessarily a perfect choice and I see her side to...it's something that I feel I have to do. If I don't choose the choice I want to then I will lose something very important to me and give up my morals. But If I go against her...I lose her and my family...Why does she have to do this to me? Why does she have to make me choose???

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:34 PM on Aug. 29, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • OP - I don't want to hurt my mom! I don't want her to feel like I did this to go against her, to hurt her or to mess up my life. But If I don't do this...I will hurt someone else, someone I care about deeply and my daughter will be missing out on possibly any chance to be with her father.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:37 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • i don't know what the issues r but u r an adult an whatver choices you make u will have to live by!
    mirit.rose

    Answer by mirit.rose at 11:46 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • go with your heart. my mother is almost the same way.i moved across country and it drives her nuts..but they even go as far as getting into my email accounts and reading everything and etc just to be up in my life..i confronted them finally on this and told them im not a little girl anymore I'm grown married and have a dd..i need to live my own life back off..and i got told i was dead to her. so i understand but now i have the freedom of knowing i don't have to please her. some family members don't need to be in our lives because they are toxic. not saying your mom is but. its your time to fly. you have your own daughter now who if this chance is to be with her father than do it. follow what YOU want not what your mother wants. good luck

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:47 PM on Aug. 29, 2009

  • Mom's never want to stop trying to protect their children no matter how old the "child" is.
    I'd have to sit down with her and say "Mom you've done a really good job raising me and I know I didn't always listen, but I've got to find out what works for me on my own."
    As long as you're living under her roof she does have some say so (offspring or not). From the sound of it tho, you're not making the decision for the right reason tho. It sounds like you're wanting to be with this man only because he's your daughter's father and you want her to have the "family" life. Some families are better not together. I'm not saying that's what you should do, but it's never a good idea to stay in a relationship you don't want to be in just because you have a child together.
    Good Luck in whatever decision you make
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 12:12 AM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • OP here- lisa_ann_p no no no, I'm not only wanting to be with him because of that reason...that's the big reason but that's certainly not the only one. I've been with him for 4 years, known him for 5 and I adore him. He and I have a great relationship, we get along great and I can't stand the thought of not being with him. I think the best thing in the world would be for us 3 to be together, but not just for the "family" aspect of it, because we love each other and look out for each other.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:22 AM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • I guess I should have read this one before answering your other question! I still say mom may see something more for you without the encumberance of marriage. However, it is your life and your decision. I am one that thinks that marriage sucks but then again it could be bc I married the wrong men and for the wrong reasons, one being bc I was pregnant. I married men who after saying "I do" changed into controlling jerks and one (the father of my children) turned into an abusive jerk. The stress of having a family so young was too much for him and he took that stress out on me. I've never encouraged marriage with my kids. It is their decision just like this is your decision. Do what is right for you but if you marry him make sure you two can provide for your new family. I'd be asking mom what she would do if it were her in this situation. Tell her how torn you are and you want to know what she would do if she were you and why?
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:02 AM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • I know exactly what your talking about because Im dealing with the same this from my mother. Im almost 25 and I have alot of issues with her. Its so bad she " accidently " reffers to herself as mommy with my son ! and I hate it ! Shes no longer allowed to have him but thats a whole diffrent story. If your family wants nothing to do with you because you dont want to be your moms little puppet then there really not your family because there supposed to be there for you through anything. You have your child and your honestly dont need anyone else other then that to love you unconditionally.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:47 AM on Aug. 31, 2009

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