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Is this selfish?

There is a study abroad program at the college I'm going to and it's for one quarter. Is it selfish of me to wanna go by myself without my husband and child? I just think that it would be alot less expensive because room and board would already be paid for instead of renting an apartmen for a grand a month plus I think it'd be a great experience for me. I would miss my daughter terribly but it would only be for three months. My husband thinks it's selfish. What are your thoughts?

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Asked by Imogine at 3:28 PM on Aug. 30, 2009 in Relationships

Level 22 (14,425 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • well I can see where he's coming from, but really, can he afford to leave his job for three months? I guess I dont think its selfish because my husband is gone for months at a time for his job, a year at most, and I dont think it's selfish of him. And if he told me I was being selfish I would be able to bring up all his "selfishness". I think he should be a little more understanding.

    Answer by cassie_kellison at 3:32 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • This is just someting I really really really want to do and I'm only thinking about the financial situation as well as the adjustments. I mean if it were just me going I would just have to pay for the entire program. No additional costs, I'd be with my classmates at all times and I wouldn't feel like I was neglecting my family because it seems like there is a pretty full schedule for the entire three months I would be there.

    And yeah my husband has been gone for a year when we fist got married. Granted, he had no choice. It was for a war. And neither were the other three times he's been gone. But this is something that is truly important to me. Something I feel I have to do. I wish he knew that. I'm not sure that he does.

    Answer by Imogine at 3:35 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • I dont think you are being selfish at all and my husband would agree with me. He has already told me that while I am going to school for nursing or midwifery and i have the option to study abroad to go ahead and do it. It would be a great opportunity for you and its only 3 months away from your husband and child. Remember that you have phones, internet, and webcams!!!!

    Answer by innocencexinxme at 3:40 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • when opportunity knocks I think you should open the door. I'd go.

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:49 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • i agree with admckenzie..but leaving the baby thing kinda irks me. i dont think its really tht selfish but if your husband can afford to leave his job for 3months than i dont understand why you wouldnt want to share this expirience with him and your chiild. but if he cant and you reallydont have the money for them to come along than i guess you are right to suggest that..

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:25 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • If you really want to do this you should be able to go. If he holds you back you will resent him. He should support you in everything you do. I am sorry that he is being like this. Is it maybe that he is jealous?

    Answer by stickyfingers at 4:27 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • Okay, so I'm really in the minority here, but yes - I think it's selfish. You are asking your dh to continue to work and take sole responsibility for your daughter for 3 months. Yes, some people do this for their job - but this is your choice. It would be different if this were a mandatory program that you HAD to do to get your degree, but it's not. It would just be fun, an adventure. I don't understand why you would want to be without your husband or daughter for 3 months. I would never willingly leave mine, even to go do something fun. Priorities change when you have children.

    Answer by missanc at 4:53 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • I think its selfish, personally. Its not like you wanting to go for the weekend or even a week but for several months? All so you can hang out and have fun like your single w/o kids? Well you should have thought about that before you got married and had a baby. This isnt the time in your life to do this...right now your TOP priority should be your doing this, you're making it yourself. So yes its selfish.


    Answer by abbynzachsmommy at 6:01 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • Sure, it's selfish but it's for you. You cant' want things? My husband encouraged me to go overseas for a quarter because I was raised in Europe and he knows how much I miss it. In our relationship we want our spouses to be happy. If this would make you happy, he should want you to go. What is wrong with wanting an adventure? It's not like you'd be going to party or have sex with strangers. It would be an awesome experience you would regret not taking.

    Answer by coutterhill at 6:27 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • I don't want toleave my baby. I can't imagine being without her for that long, but this is for SCHOOL not for a long vacation. The program has everything I need to learn about what it is I want to do. I just think it would be beneficial for me. I'm tired of waiting for oppertunities to come along like this. IT's time for me to GRAB IT!

    Answer by Imogine at 8:32 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

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