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Why do some parents want to control their kids lives?

From appearance, to what sports they play, to what college they go to, and everything else. Why can't they let then live their own lives? Maybe they won't be who you want them to be but oh well!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:18 PM on Aug. 30, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (30)
  • they want to live what their lives could of been or wanted it to be thru their children...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:21 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • My Mother does this. It's rediculous. In a lot of ways before I got pregnant it hindered me. I was afraid to do things on my own cause she had sheltered me and ran my life for me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:21 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • It's my job as a parent to steer my child in the right direction. I do control her appearance because I buy her clothes. We've had many "discussions" over what classes she's taking in HS. For the most part, I let her have her way but on some things I won't budge...like I'm making her take typing next semester instead of study hall. Guess what, she'll need typing even though she doesn't think so now. I could not care less what college she chooses as long as she goes. I'm controlling to the degree I am because I'm the adult and I know better than her, regardless of what she thinks.
    benjamink

    Answer by benjamink at 4:29 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • benjamink- What if she decides not to go to college? You can't force her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:32 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • YOU CAN ONLY GUIDE BUT NEVER CONTROL. A LOT OF THEM DO IT BECAUSE THEY FEEL IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO, I CAN UNDERSTAND GUIDING A YOUNG CHILD BUT AN ADULT ONE SHOULD MAKE THEIR OWN DECISIONS.
    older

    Answer by older at 4:36 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • No overbearing is bad. Being a friend is worse. No one is perfect at parenting and I am sure the intentions are good. You have to find the balance that works for your childs personality. Parenting is so toughest job in the world!
    3gigglemonsters

    Answer by 3gigglemonsters at 4:45 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • Plus control will NEVER work on a teen. Good luck to those of you thinking any teen will accept a controlling parent. Can you say REBELLION!

    Been there, done that-
    Sisteract

    Answer by Sisteract at 4:50 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • Not going to college is not an option in my household. My children understand very well that to achieve the goals they want to achieve they need college degrees. They have never expressed not wanting to go, that wouldn't even cross their minds. That is just one of the things that they understand they MUST do.
    benjamink

    Answer by benjamink at 5:00 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • I don't know. I wonder the same thing. I mean, they are their own person, why should they have to do what mom and dad want them to? If my son wants to be a rocker, or a gymnast, more power to him. If my girls want to be chefs or doctors or whatever, more power to them. If they want to be strippers, hell no, that's where I draw the line. But you get my point. There were many things I wanted to do with my life, and I didn't have the chance to but I won't try to live my life through my kids Whatever they choose to do, they can, as long as it isn't stripping, lol. I will back them up a hundred and fifty percent on whatever it is they want to do or be! That's what I call being a good parent. Well part of it anyway. I just can't understand people who get all furious and mad when their kids want different things than what the parents want for them. Poor kids.
    chavela_carlita

    Answer by chavela_carlita at 5:08 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • Some parents use their children for validation of their own success and self worth, often unintentionally.  It begins early on, "my baby is doing ......", so parents start the comparison and if their child doesn't make the grade, their ego suffers.  This whole  "My baby can read" stuff is part of it.  We're competing with other parents, giving it the nice label of "enrichment" and pushing our kids into a mold that may not fit them. 


    I had to learn not to compare because of my twins, they are developmentally delayed, and my never function at the same level as their age level peers.  I have a niece that is a year younger but obviously way ahead of them.  It took me years to learn not to compare them, and to be genuinely  happy for my beautiful and smart niece. 


    teamquinn

    Answer by teamquinn at 5:13 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

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