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Should I say I'm sorry first or should my mom?

I've been going through a rough spell in my marriage and am living at my mother's, well my husband works out of state and only comes home on the weekends. Today I came home with my daughter after having a great weekend with my husband (away from home, he isn't allowed here) sooooooo, my mom has had an attitude and been saying very smart remarkes when I tell her what he's done for me this weekend. Well she said something smart @ss about my husband and it pissed me off, so I told her to kiss my F*&%$#G @SS! I know it was a little harsh but she kept saying rude things and disrespecting me. I love my mom almost as much as I do my daughter, well mom's gonna be home soon and I know she's gonna wanna talk and I don't really wanna say I'm sorry first. Any suggestions?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:27 PM on Aug. 30, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Tell her that you should not have said that to her. Tell her what she was saying to you hurt your feelings and she is not to badmouth your husband in front of you or your child again, period. He is yur husband and you love him no matter what her opinion is.
    stickyfingers

    Answer by stickyfingers at 7:30 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • I agree with stickyfingers, and in addition, I would also mention that you do NOT approve of her bad mouthing your husband - he's a great provider, etc, etc... and especially to not say stuff like this around little sponges.
    I don't know how old your daughter is, but even at a young age, little ones can sense tension and stress in the air -and it's just not a necessary thing. As your daughter gets older, her grandmother's words can affect her as well... or at least ask many questions.. that are also unnecessary in this situation.
    K_Sawyer

    Answer by K_Sawyer at 7:35 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • I agree. Tell her there are boundaries she must not step over. You and your husband are a family now. If you want you can keep your mouth closed about what your husband is doing for you. Thank her for helping you out, but, you need to set the boundaries.
    Safirejewl

    Answer by Safirejewl at 7:36 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • I think the two of you should just sit and talk. I don't know w hat the rough spot is in the marriage but if you're going to get back together, then get back together and get out of Mom's house. Maybe she feels like she's taking care of you and he's just coming in to use you? Maybe she can't let go of whatever he did that was the problem?
    I'd tell her that you're wanting to work on your marriage and that you'd appreciate it if she never speak ill of him again in front of your child but you made some of it her business when you went to live with her again.
    Both of you owe each other an apology, be the bigger person and just go first.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 7:42 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • He's not allowed there and he's your husband? Hmmm. Right there is something wrong. If she is allowing you to live there because she's supporting you (not financially, but emotionally) as her daughter, then she should stay out of your business. If she doesn't allow him to live there, she obviously has disdain for him and you should not talk about him to her, even good things. Perhaps it's time to thank your Mom for letting you stay there and it's time for you to move out.
    EireLass

    Answer by EireLass at 7:49 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • Thanks to the moms who are telling me to move out, I'd love to, ummmm I have an 11month and 6 months preg, my husband recently lost his job and I lost mine b/c of the hours and maternity, soooo we lost our apartment in the process! I've been looking for a part time job I want out asap!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:53 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • Sounds like both of you need to grow up, first of all. Second of all, it IS her house, and she IS letting you stay there and is entitled to her opinions. Doesn't mean she's right and justified, but you can leave any time too.
    MommaTurbo

    Answer by MommaTurbo at 7:55 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • I am sorry you are having such a tough time. My husband and I recently split up and got back together. Its hard. You do still need to tell your mom not to talk like that about your husband no matter if it is her house or not. If she starts then just walk away. You dont have to listen to that kind of verbal abuse period. As soon as he gets a place are you going tobe living together again?
    stickyfingers

    Answer by stickyfingers at 8:00 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • Just let your mom know that you love her, but you also love your DH. There is nothing that she can do to change that fact. Love is something that can not be controlled no matter how much she wants to. Let her know that you are married to this man and you will be for the rest of your life. This is something that she is going to have to get used to. At Least he is doing things for you. He could be the man that sits back and lets you do for him. Instead, he is doing for you. She needs to realize that you are lucky. She probably never will, and she will probably always say bad things about your DH, but there is always hope.

    krissyvelazquez

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 9:40 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • Lay down the law that she is NOT allowed to badmouth your husband. I would not apologize.
    Mousuke

    Answer by Mousuke at 3:47 AM on Aug. 31, 2009

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