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Is this wrong or mean?

My son is friends with my friends son who is PDD-NOS and has ODD. Last year at my son's birthday he was out of control and actually broke my son's bunk beds! He was beyond loud and unruly. I understand that some of it he can't help but his mother, my friend(Not close but we talk on Facebook), doesn't even try to correct his behavior. She writes it off to hi disorders and does nothing. That is her choice and I won't try to talk to her about how she chooses to parent but I also do not want her son in my house anymore. I don't want to hurt her feelings but I don't want to invite them. Is this mean. I'm sure she will see on Facebook that we had a party and he wasn't invited this year. Can I just let it go as he is 8 now and my son is 5 and the age difference is a bit much for him to really enjoy it? I dunno. Should I suck it up and invite him?


Asked by But_Mommie at 7:35 PM on Aug. 30, 2009 in General Parenting

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This question is closed.
Answers (22)
  • You can always tell her its a family only party or a class mates only party and say I would still like for them to share the special day together. Do this before she already knows about the party! Then say Can I treat you both to a birthday celebration day of jumping at the moon bounce place? Then you won't ruin the real party, you won't hurt anyones feelings and you can take them bouncing for $6 bucks and the kid can tear up the bounce house and not YOUR house. Its unnessecary to hurt the mothers feelings especially if she is your friend. This is nice too if there is anyone else on your "I wish I wasn't forced to invite you" list.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:14 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • NO. I dont think I would.

    Answer by stickyfingers at 7:37 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • I wouldn't invite him, and if you did he'd be off limits to the bedroom, I'd have the party outside.

    Answer by MommaRox4683 at 7:38 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • Well.. I'm sure feelings will be hurt but ultimately, it is your home and your party.
    You can certainly chalk it up to the age difference... or you can just state that your son is the one who chose his friends - and they were mostly from his class/previous class, and they were all around his age, etc.
    Just because he has those disorders, doesn't mean he can't act civilized.. or the mother can't guide him to do so - as difficult as it may be. Then again, who doesn't have a hard time controlling wild little boys anyway? :]

    Answer by K_Sawyer at 7:39 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • Why would an 8 yr old want to go to a 5 yr old 's birthday? I wouldn't invite someone that old to a young child's party

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:42 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • If she replaced what he broke then I would invite him. But I'd also make it clear to her that if he starts having a melt down that she needs to do something about it because you just can't handle that. Set rules and if she can't follow them then they have to leave BEFORE things get broken.

    If she didn't replace them I would just be honest with her and say hey look. I can't afford to replace anything if your son breaks it so until you have better control over his issues I can't have him over. And then just say you're sorry it's not personally. I'd also mention that you don't mind meeting at the park or anything so the kids can play together.

    Answer by 2murphyboys at 7:42 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • Having a child with special needs is not a get out of perenting free pass. I wouldn't worry about hurt feelings, that is a huge age difference at this stage anyway.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:45 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • admckenzie: They have been playing together for a long time. They actually play rather well when her child is not having a cow over one ting or another. :0) You haev to remember that because of his challenges they are at about the same playing field. He is just bigger. Tey enjoy the same games and toys though.

    2murphyboys: We do meet at the park every couple of months. No she never even mentioned replacing or repairing the bed.

    Answer by But_Mommie at 7:47 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • Wow I can't type tonight!

    Answer by But_Mommie at 7:48 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • When she brings it up, be honest about his last visit, and her lack of control over his behaviour in other's homes. She will no doubt be angry at you and probably make alot of remarks. It will end the relationship I'm sure.

    Answer by EireLass at 7:51 PM on Aug. 30, 2009