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Nicknames - What if someone insists on one you don't like?

Ok, two dilemnas, two questions, both related....

A family member has started calling my daughter by a nickname I don't like. It's not a disrespectful name - it stemmed from a younger cousin mispronouncing her name. It's not her name at all, and I hate it. When I ask this person to please not call her that, she says, "This name will stick and you won't have any control over what others call her."

Meanwhile, my SIL wants us to call her daughter by a nickname that we all despise. She got the nickname from her favorite character on her favorite TV Show. We all prefer to call her by her full name, but every now and then she tries to push the nickname on us. I try not to make a big deal out of it and continue to use her full name.

Should I just listen to the mother and refer to the child by the nickname, and insist on the same respect? Or just call the child what I want and let everyone call mine what they want?


Asked by Anonymous at 9:07 AM on Aug. 31, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • LOL Well, you have two quandaries about names but they're totally different. If SIL wants you to call her child 'blooming onion' then call her child 'blooming onion' - that's her choice. At the same time, if you don't want you child called 'skittle' then keep insisting that she not be called that. All you can do is keep opposing - eventually you'll win. Wear them down, don't let them wear you down.

    Answer by PaceMyself at 9:14 AM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • Keep telling them to please not call her that name. If your daughter is of an age to understand then inform her that she is not to be called that name because you think it is not her name and disrespectful, if you get your daughter on board it will be a lot easier. I had this problem when I was little and they used to call my Jacey, "Jabo", which just wasn't her name, so she used to say "No. My name's Jacey" And we stood our ground and eventually it stopped.

    Answer by mommatomanyy at 9:26 AM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • My MIL will occasionally call my daughter, Keeley, "Kiki." Cute nickname, but I want the name, not a nickname...especially one that may stick! Best thing I can say is stick to your guns. Whenever someone calls your daughter that nickname, tell her that's not her name and please do not call her that. If he continues, ask her what part of "that is not her name" does she not understand. If she sticks with it, find a stupid nickname to call her or or her child and stick to it. Eventually she'll get the point. And, if she doesn't, I'd be cutting those visits short.

    In regards to your SIL, you should call her daughter whatever she wants you to be it you hate the name or not. It's her child and, therefore, her choice.

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 9:26 AM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • I had the same problem. I let my mom name my youngest daughter Christine. Certain people in the family would call her Chris. I would tell them If I wanted her to be Chris I would have put that on her birth certificate.


    Answer by louise2 at 9:31 AM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • My mother insists on trying to get my 3 year old to call my infant Kduck. It's because that is how Haidn first said Kaelen. I have reamed her out since then told her to knock it the fuck off. Haidn can say Kaelen and that is what he will call his brother. My husband also has this habit, started by a coworker, of calling our oldest Den and youngest Lynn. I hit him everytime and tell him to knock it off. I grew up with nicknames I hated and I refuse to let my children have the same problems. I don't understand why my husband doesn't understand this. He hates the nickname his mom gave him and is happy I have broken his family of calling him it.

    Answer by purpleducky at 9:36 AM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • if someone else wants you to use a nickname for their child, you need to respect thier wishes. At the same time, if you do not want your child to have a certain nickname, you need to say every time, in front of your child, "no, that is not their name, their name is ____". Every single time!

    When people started calling my son by his initials, or shortened his name, i started out nicely saying, please don't, his name is -----. They thought it was funny or didn't care, so EVERY time they would call him a nickname i would very firmly say, no that is not his name, his name is ----. When my son was about 3-4, and people got his name wrong, or called him by a nickname, he would firmly (but nicely) correct them! We don't have that problem any more!

    Answer by citymama707 at 10:07 AM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • I am in agreement with the others. My oldest is Connor, my dad started calling him 'the con-man' when he was a baby. I did not like it, my mom hated it and I quickly put a nix on it. I told him point blank ' I hate that nickname don't call him that. his name is Connor'. My dad did stop. I do think that since the parents name the child THEY should pick what nickname (if any) their child is called by-- especially if the child has a name that can be shortened (like Susanne into Susie or Annie). It is not anyone elses place to really decide what to call the child.

    For your child I would just tell people "her name is Susan, not su-su. Please call her Susan".
    As to what to call your sil's child- if she is pushing the nickname then I would call the child by the horrid nickname.

    Answer by MizLee at 10:30 AM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • Let your child know that she does NOT have to respond if she is not called by her name. That should put an end to it.

    No one can force you to use a nickname to refer to another child.

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 10:51 AM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • My ds is Andrew James, and people try calling him Andy or Drew or A.J. Not cool, I tell them that his name is Andrew and will always be Andrew. You just need to be straight with the person and tell them, "My child's name is ___, please don't call her anything else."

    Answer by emnasmom at 10:53 AM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • I think you should call your sister in laws daughter what she wants you to call her, just like you want people to listen to you. Show the same amount of respect to her that you want.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:11 AM on Aug. 31, 2009