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Single parents?

I'm going anon on this one because I know it will start drama. I'm not bashing single parents, I think that your job is harder than mine because I have dh to help me with the kids. But how come there are SO many single mothers, not divorced moms, but moms choosing to have babies out of wedlock? This is not a religious issue with me, only a social issue. I have always thought that one gets married before having children, am I wrong? I have wondered this ever since I started on CM, because I do see alot of unwed moms on here. Please be honest, I applaud you single moms out there, I am just curious.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:11 AM on Aug. 31, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (9)
  • The days of marriage and then baby are looong over. Some women don't have a choice because they get bumped and dumped for lack of better verbage...but some don't feel they have the time to wait for Mr. Right. Just because they cannot find a mate does not mean they should deprive themselves the experience of Motherhood. Too each their own now days...and what about gay couples, don't they have a right to have kids? I think it is easier by far to be a couple and kids really do well with a mom and a dad, if the parents are involved...but a lot of times that is just not the case...doesn't mean they can't raise well adjusted kids on their own.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:16 AM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • I never really found the right guy, but have wanted children since I was a lot younger. After being in a horrible relationship for 4 years I really don't trust men anymore, and see no reason to have to depend on one for anything. My daughter knows her father and loves him, but we don't see eye to eye on a lot of things and I see no reason to comprimise what I want out of a lifelong partner simply because I have a child. I was also raised in a blended family, and have great relationships with both of my biological parents, so I know that the family dynamics can work if both parties work to make it so. Being 25 when I got pregnant and believing that I would never have my own kids, I decided to let nature take its course and stop preventing something that I wanted and wasn't sure I'd ever get. Lo and behold, I now have one and am pregnant with the next. I just don't believe you HAVE to be married to raise a good family.

    Answer by kristal2146 at 11:20 AM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • OP here - I believe that gay couple should certainly be allowed to have children, but I am also a very strong advocate of gay marriage.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:23 AM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • i ws married when i had my kids, but have been seperated from him for almost 8 yrs. now. but i see nothing wrong with kids out of wedlock. as long as the mother loves and takes care of the child is all that matters.

    Answer by okc-mom-2 at 11:30 AM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • As a young, unwed mother I do understand where you are coming from. My childhood wasn't the greatest. I was 12 years old and did everything from cooking and cleaning and feeding the animals before school. I met a boy and fell head over heels. When I was 17 I moved out and in with him. The doctors didn't think I'd ever beable to concieve so we didn't take any precautions... Long story short the boy is bipolar and likes drugs. It simply didn't work out. If I could go back in time, I'd do it again only because today I have my baby boy. I'm nolonger a single mother, I've found a loving man who is wonderful to my son and I. We plan on getting married within a year. I don't look down on single mothers because I have been there. I was 18 with a two month old baby and on my own. Some mothers don't have a choice. I don't think you're wrong. I too believe it's better to get married first; but I wouldn't marry just because I was pregnant

    Answer by momma_marian at 12:14 PM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • I never saw myself getting married. So there goes that. LOL I got pregnant on accident and just happened to not be married. It wasn't a decision I though about or anything. I didn't think single motherhood would be fun. It just happened. When I got pregnant, I was too young to get married anyway. I think it's just lack of protection. We're old enough to have sex long before we're mature enough to enter marriage. But not everyone has the option of protection for whatever reason and no birth control option is 100% or approved for everyone. So the result is pregnancies out of wedlock.

    Answer by jus1jess at 12:51 PM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • Honestly look at the divorce rate, questions like these kinda get me because 90% of the time it's not the single mother's choice to be a single mom, it just happens. Look at how many men have children by multiple women.


    Answer by Anonymous at 1:03 PM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • I'm a single mother and I believe that there a lot of single mothers because they are smart enough not to marry because of pregnancy. I truly believe that the question should be steered towards the fathers who left us to be single moms. I'm so proud of the job that I'm doing that it doesn't bother me much any more. Marriage isn't for anyone, but motherhood may be. I truly want 3 more children even if i have to adopt. The only single mom problem that bothers me is a woman who is a single mom with multiple kids and fathers. But I won't judge, just thought I'd throw that out there.

    Answer by Queentdi at 1:09 PM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • OP here again - Thank you ladies for your honesty, I find this interesting. I'm glad that you all didn't decide to get married just because you were pregnant, because quite possibly then you would be a mom in an unhappy marriage. WTG single moms!

    Answer by emnasmom at 2:16 PM on Aug. 31, 2009

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