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How do we tell the kids...

My H has decided 2 move out after 9 years of marriage.Our marraige has been a roller coaster so he cant no more. We started counseling, 1 session and dont know whats going to happen with that. He still lives in the house until he finds a place but we dont talk that much! We have a DD-9 & DS-6 and I dont want for them to hurt when we tell them, which I know is impossible since they adore their F. I am also concern that school is about to start and how the news will affect them. I dont know if we should tell them right now so that they have time to take it in & go through the initial emotions while they are still at home and while he is still at the house or should we tell them once my H has found a place? My kids are my everything and I'll do anything to avoid this upon them but unfortunately I can't anymore. Please, I need advice in how soon and what should we tell the kids! My heart is broken because I know they will hurt!

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:29 PM on Aug. 31, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (4)
  • You marriage consoler should be able to provide some insight.

    If you tell the kids too soon they will keep wondering if today is the day that Dad is leaving.

    What is important is that the kids know they had NOTHING to do with your separation and that you BOTH still LOVE them.

    BTW I am sorry to hear you are going through this. I wish you the best.

    Answer by KATEISME at 12:36 PM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • Just tell them that mommy and daddy have decided that daddy will be living somewhere else because they can't get along but still love the kids very much. Make sure to let the kids know that it isn't their fault and they will still see daddy. It is in the children's best interest that the parents get along and don't use the kids as pawns. Be friends, if possible. Get along enough to be able to go to school or sporting events together. You will always be their parents and need to keep acting like it. Keep an open line of communication. Ask the marriage counselor for more advice, they should be able to help you tell the kids. It wouldn't hurt to have the kids in counseling too. They may need that extra help to adjust to the new situation. Good luck,

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 4:21 PM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • you need to get into a group for kids of divorce. there are family groups and kid groups it will help them

    Answer by SaturnsMom at 7:56 PM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • I would wait until your husband finds a new place to live and then tell them that he's going to be living somewhere else for now. When my ex and I separated I took my kids to a therapist for the first 6 months so they would have someone impartial to talk to. My kids were 4 and 5 and the therapist talked to them about feelings, identifying your feelings, and appropriate ways to handle feelings. I think it really helped to head off any problems.

    Answer by missanc at 8:39 AM on Sep. 1, 2009

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