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I can i learn to deal with my Future mother-in-law without hurting her feeling's?

My boyfriends mother is very nice, but she is nuts sometimes. She thinks i am a inexperienced mother, but this is my first child. my daughter goes to my in-laws house 3 times a month and everytime i leave angry,either its her letting my daughter take to many naps so then she doesn't sleep for me or feeding her to much. then the worst she bring her own diaper bag wherever she goes, even if its to a party that i am going there. I had once when my daughter was first more left her formula at home on the counter, no biggy, we just bought a new can. my daughter is now nine months and her grandmother is getting worse. i try to tell nice but she doesn't listen. she has gives my daughter juice i don't want her to have juice just yet. But she will not listen. I need this to stop before i leave my boyfriend over it.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:00 PM on Aug. 31, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (10)
  • Your boyfriend needs to address some of these issues. It is his mom and his child!

    Now a couple of questions.
    Are you a young mother?
    Is this the lady's first grandchild?

    If you are young and/or if it is a first grandchild then it helps explain a couple of things. It doesn't excuse, but it explains.

    If it were me,...
    I would let the diaper bag thing go. It is kinda fruity, but basically harmless.
    I would ask to please not let her nap too much, it makes her cry all night and the pediatrician thinks the oversleeping may be making her head ache...if I sleep too much I get a headache, so it sort of makes sense a baby might too...
    I don't know what your doc says about juice, they are always changing their minds on these types of things....We would sometimes give our boys apple juice mixed with water...half and half. We used the juice only in the sippy cup. You might can find a happy medium here..

    cont..
    yourspecialkid

    Answer by yourspecialkid at 2:10 PM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • I am a 23 year old first time mother and her first grandchild.
    pease44

    Answer by pease44 at 2:12 PM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • cont...

    Try using a little sugar on the lady, she is going to be your child's grandmother forever! I know it can be hard, but getting angry, at least getting angry in front of her, won't help.

    Also try to remember, that she is probably just overly well intentioned and it is her grandchild and you are just the future dil!

    Trust me, if it is at all possible....you will all be happier if the 2 of you are able to cultivate a decent relationship.

    Hang in there and get the Dad to step a little closer to the plate!
    yourspecialkid

    Answer by yourspecialkid at 2:13 PM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • I hope something can be reached, the both of them is like talking to a wall. But its my family so maybe i should just suck it up.
    pease44

    Answer by pease44 at 2:16 PM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • You ARE the mother! You may be a first time mother but you are still the mom! Right?? You do have instincts and im sure you are doing a fantastic job with your daughter.

    With that being said you may need to put your foot down. Be firm and polite about it. Tell her that your child is to take this number of naps, and NO juice is allowed, by orders of your pediatrician. Sometimes we just need to step in and say when enough is enough it is a rule you feel strongly about. Also know what to just let go! Chances are when you go out to a party together and you both bring a diaper bag for your DD your MIL just looks like a fool b/c you are her mom and you are the one who should bring your child's supplies.

    Just remember to be firm about it but polite! If she isn't listening to you when you are being nice about it you may have to be a lot more firm if you want things to change! I had to with my MIL!
    swimmachic23

    Answer by swimmachic23 at 2:21 PM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • I am a 23 year old first time mother and her first grandchild.

    This says a lot! You are young, but not young if you know what I mean! You are certainly young to her.

    I was the first grandbaby and my mom said my Mamo drove her crazy. She had duplicates of everything a baby could possibly need..almost like they had a new baby! She babysat me a lot and treated me like her own. I even went with them on vacation! To me, she is almost a Mom and I treasure the relationship I have with her. If your future mil is a nice lady your child will be the lucky to have her.

    If all else fails remember you are paving the way for future grandbabies!

    I read in a Dear Abby column once to "choose your battles." I would use these words of wisdom. Go after the things that are really important and just let some of the little stuff slide even if it bugs you..keep the big picture in focus. GOOD LUCK!
    yourspecialkid

    Answer by yourspecialkid at 2:22 PM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • I hope something can be reached, the both of them is like talking to a wall. But its my family so maybe i should just suck it up.

    Bless your heart!! I just hate having to suck things up sometimes because of family!!!

    I like what the pp said about the diaper bags. She does look silly if she is carrying one and you are there with one as well.
    yourspecialkid

    Answer by yourspecialkid at 2:24 PM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • I do agree how goofy she looks, but i really need to think about how i am going to deal with it maybe one more time being nice, then i am going to have to step my little voice up.
    pease44

    Answer by pease44 at 2:32 PM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • tell her how important the issues are to you and if she cannot follow the plan then she cannot have her alone. that ususally straightened my mil out. also cold shoulder treatments after she has done something wrong. you will have a long relationship with her but she needs to understand when dealing with dd you are the boss, what you say goes, end of story. lay down the law, say it as nice as you can, but stand up for yourself. warn your bf before you get into it with her.
    AmaliaD

    Answer by AmaliaD at 3:14 PM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • if you figure something out...let me know. My MIL is a nutjob.....and we've been married for 11 years. she gets more and more loony every year

    GOOD LUCK!

    hypermamaz

    Answer by hypermamaz at 7:04 PM on Aug. 31, 2009

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