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Step Dad Adopting...

Did anyone let their new hubby adopt their child? My dd sees her dad maybe once a yr...sometimes he goes longer. She is almost 8. I think I could get her dad to agree or get the courts to let new hubby adopt. (not remarried yet jsut planning it now)What Im wondering is there any benefit to letting him adopt her? I dont get support so the only thing that would change is her last name...so I would maybe let her decide. Just want input on pros/cons. Never thought I would lt anyone have rights to her since I faught so hard to protect her from bio dad, but I really love SO?!? Any insight?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:21 PM on Aug. 31, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Well, seeing as she is 8 i would defiantly talk to her about it first. Also, check the laws in your state. In some states a parent cant just sign off their rights. In others, they can. And one plus side would be, if anything should ever happen to you, your ex would NOT be able to fight for custody of her. your SO would be her dad by all legalities.

    I will hopefully be adopting my DSS soon. GL to you.
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 3:26 PM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • It would probably be fine for you, but I know of several instances where new hubby adopted new wife's kids..........marriage didn't last and......................he was left paying child support for children that weren't even his.

    I hope you have a wonderful and long marriage and this would not be the case, but I'd think twice if I was the SD before adopting.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:26 PM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • In my own opionion what I would do if I were in that situation, is I'd have to be married to the guy at least until she was in H.S., b/c I'd want to make sure our relationship lasted before changing her name and all that. She's still so young, and he may love her to death but you never know what the future holds, I'd wait for the long haul. Just in case! Congratulations!
    MommaRox4683

    Answer by MommaRox4683 at 3:26 PM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • Next month my DH is going to adopt my daughter. Her bio dad has never wanted to have anything to do with her. I found an attorney that will do it without the bio father giving up his rights. If they six months without doing curtain things their approval ins't needed. I think it would be the best thing if your SO is helping raise her. But you do have to get married and most people want you to be married for at least six months to a year.
    Haven_Doug1013

    Answer by Haven_Doug1013 at 3:29 PM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • My mom remarried and my brother and I rarely saw our father, but there was no way we wanted to be adopted and it wasn't because we didn't like our step- dad shoot we call him dad. We just didn't want to lose the connection we did have with our bio-dad

    Now my dh was adopted by his step dad but his mom had tp fight with the dad and the courts he had visitation first and she kept realy good records because he flaked all the time and eventually he had his rights taken away.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:37 PM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • So why are you not receiving cs from bio dad? If money is just the issue I'd try for cs first. I always hesitate to tell a woman to have step dad adopt when you don't even know if the marriage will work. Not being mean but in America 1 out of every 2 don't work. Then what? Then you have ripped her from yet another dad. Personally I wouldn't do anything until I knew for sure all was well and the marriage was going to last. I'd wait a couple of years at least but that's me.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:49 PM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • yeah i suggest waiting until well after you are married. and since she is still 8 and bio dad is not paying cs, he is behind in all that support and you are still entitled to it if/when he pays.

    when thinking about this, i keep thinking about the show LOST and one character on the island was on the plane cuz his son's mother married another man and the husband adopted but a few years later the mother died and the husband wanted the bio dad to come and get him back. i would dread if that happened to one of my kids. if my husband adopts then even if something happens to me, i wouldn't want him putting them off on their bio dad just cuz i'm gone.
    keisha613

    Answer by keisha613 at 4:59 PM on Aug. 31, 2009

  • Admackenzie I know many marriages fail. no offense, that is part of my concern. I would never make him pay cs if the marriage failed and im confident in our relaitonship, but what if it fails and I have to continue sending her to visist stepdad....that is prob my biggest concern. Money is no issue cause iM not getting it anyway so if he adopts its not like I loose support. He is ordered to pay but doesnt. I havent gone after him for teh money cause I dont want bio dad to seek visits. Right now he has supervised visits that he rarely exercises. Atty told me he could possibly get that revised so leave him alone about the $...her mental stability & safety arent worth grocery money. so the only benefit I would see to adoption is name changing so we are all the same and a bonding experience for her and stepdad who she loves.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:38 PM on Aug. 31, 2009

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